ļ»æINTRO
In this week's episode of midlife, if I'm going to introduce you to the lovely Rebecca, Rebecca stopped drinking, actually, I think about seven years ago with AA and did pretty well. And then after a period of time, she went back to the odd drink. And drinking started to get a bit of a hold again. And she was feeling out of alignment with her values, because she was having to hide that and she had a lot of shame attached to it as well. And so in this episode, Rebecca is going to talk about that. She's going to talk about what it has been like for her to have a different way of stopping drinking, and how important that's been for her. How important community has been in her journey and gentle loving kindness, self compassion without judgment and exploration with a group of like minded women. So without further ado, I will hand it over to the lovely Rebecca!
Emma: Hi, Bec. I am so glad you were able to join me on midlife AF today. Welcome.
Bec:
Thanks, Emma. It's really so exciting to be here. And a little bit daunting as well to put my story out there. But I've decided it's time to share with as many people as possible, I might be able to help them tot hopefully,
Emma:
so true, isn't it? And I know when I stopped drinking, listening to other people's stories was so helpful. And it kind of helps you realize that you're not alone and that you've got more in common with other people than you think.
Bec:
Yeah, they might be able to relate and think that's how I feel and I was there or I'd like to be there.
Emma:
That's exactly right. That's exactly right. So, so back, do you want to introduce yourself a little bit, just say, you know who you are, and anything that you want to share about yourself? And then we'll get into some questions. But if you just introduce yourself rather than me do it because I'm sure I won't do you justice.
Bec:
Sure. Well, Bec, also known as Rebecca, and I just turned 54 on Sunday. And I have to say, I am finally coming into myself with my age. I actually feel physically fitter than I've ever felt now, at any time in my life. So that's great. And also, with this work finally getting to know myself. So I'm a mum of two teens. That's a little bit of a wild ride at the minute. I have a 14 year old daughter and a 17 year old son, and a lot of what I've been really able to get out of being AF is around them and being their mom. I work full time. As a nurse, I work in operating theaters. That's pretty much always been my profession. And something I've always had a passion for. Getting a little bit fatigued, physically much more now. I'm not sure what's going on there. But other than that, Um, so I'm rethinking the whole full time thing maybe for this year. But other than that, it's a job I love. I'm married. And it's my husband number three. Which again, I would never have openly admitted. But um, why not? And he's great. I finally, at this point in my life, met someone who's a healthy man. So he's like, as in, within him, like, psychologically healthy. Yes. And that's really great. And so we have, I have a lot of hope for our marriage and our relationship. Yeah. What else about me? Yeah, I guess we'll get into the rest. Yeah, yeah, that's sort of a little overview, great taster.
Emma:
And just like a really interesting insight into your life. And a lot of the women that we work with in our group are women with teenagers. And so there's always quite a lot of things that we share in that area as well. And I know, Bec joined - I got to know Bec when she joined the alcohol experiment back in August 2022. And
Bec:
it feels like longer than that, by the way. It's,
Emma:
it's actually quite a long time I have been saying. It feels like a long time. Yeah.
Bec:
For me, it feels like I've been having the support and the fellowship and the community for longer than that.
Emma:
Yeah. Yeah, it does. Because we, they we talk. We have a lot of, there's something about when you stop drinking. There's a level of honesty and openness that comes from that. It needs you to get into the deep stuff quite quickly. So you build quite strong relationships, I think, with Yeah, yeah. So I'm not surprised it feels like it's a longer time. But I'm interested, would you be able to share with us why what motivated you to join the Aussie alcohol experiment back in August, what was your reasoning?
Bec:
I had done a number of years, oh, gosh, six or so without alcohol. And then, about a year before I joined the Aussie alcohol experiment, I found I just had the argument back in my head about whether I could drink. Normally, it started really, really slowly, just as an argument just as a thought, and then it built up to me actually having a drink. And then I'd think, no, I don't want to do this. So then I'd go another month, and I'd have another drink. And it really kicked off the cognitive dissonance that we talked so much about, and it just would not go away, and it got stronger and stronger and stronger, and started to drive me mad. Like, I'd never really been in that place before. Because when I had my long time of sobriety, I didn't really think about drinking at all, it just wasn't a thought I was because I was really staying sober based on the fear I had around just having one drink. And then after a while, when I started to do that sort of probably on a, on a monthly basis or so. I found that I could do that. And so everything I'd heard about it being such a problem. I disproved. Yeah. Which was a really dangerous place to be in. And the other thing that I really didn't like about those single drinks, because I never had more than one, maybe two. Is that they were 100% Sneaky. Because I built an alcohol free lifestyle. Everybody knew I didn't drink, don't drink, and I simply couldn't drink in front of anybody. It just wasn't an option. And so it had to be sneaky. And that created a whole new Dark Side of thinking. Yeah. And I thought, I can't believe I'm doing this - hiding it in the bushes and hiding in the back of a cupboard and buying it. Drinking it in the car on the way home. It was. That sneaky element actually really frightened me. Yeah. And I think I can't even actually remember how I first came across it. And I clicked on it and I thought it was something I needed to do right then and there. And I actually remember I sent you an email, "please, please let me" and even you're like, Yeah, that's fine, no problem. And I learned as soon as I got into that program, I learned a whole new look on sobriety or at being alcohol free. It's completely different to what I did before. Yeah. And it took a while. And there were a few extra little data points along the way. And that frustrated me, but it was okay. Yeah. And it hadn't been okay. Previously, it definitely hadn't been okay. But it was okay. This time. Yeah, totally. That's what attracted me. I just thought I have to do something. And I don't want to do what I did last time. Yeah.
Emma:
Yeah. Yeah, that makes total sense. And like you say, very much in this work, we talk about when you treat if you drink when you're taking a break from as data points. And we think of them as something that you can learn from, and something that's actually an important part of your journey. So that you learn from what's happened. And you're able to look into and understand why it happens, which is, and the ongoing work that we do as alcohol free people as well, his sight when we get triggered, or when we like I was walking the other day. In fact, this morning, I was walking past someone smoking, and I haven't smoked in years. But I'd had a really bad morning. And I stopped and I was like, smells so good. Which is so weird, right? Because obviously it doesn't smell good. There's some kind of like, back unconscious thing was there going "that's just what you need right now".
Bec:
Yeah, there's a lot of unraveling to do that is for sure. I'm sorry. Because it's for the long run. It's like a lifetime thing. It's not, I don't know, it's just got a different feel, very different feel to it. So it's okay. You don't need to hide that from the group and you can share it with complete non judgment. That's something I'm really not used to. And when I learned that you could do that and saw others doing that, too, was just amazing. And I think even recently, I had a drinking Dream, which those of you who are in early, alcohol free days, the first time you have it, you just wake up. Oh, I do anyway, thinking, Oh, my goodness. And then you're so relieved that you haven't actually had a drink. But in a dream was the 'be the lighthouse group'. Yeah. And I was thinking this is okay. Because I'll be able to tell them that I did. It's just a data point.
Emma:
Yeah, it's just a data point. It's so true. It's, it takes that sort of, like you say, so often, we feel like we've done something wrong. Yeah, if we have a data point, and we try to get away from that in our group, because it's very much about that's something for us to learn from, and possibly the foundation of the next bit of our alcohol free journey. So really important, you know, it's important to have those things, otherwise we don't find out, right? We don't understand. Yeah,
Bec:
Sometimes you need to do it to realize, oh, actually, that little belief, I was still holding about having a drink. I just proved to myself that that's no longer true.
Emma:
That's exactly right. And sometimes you don't need to have the drink to go. That was really bad. Or even I felt really, it didn't give me what I thought it was gonna give me
Bec
Which the first time that happens. It's really quite bizarre. But again, another learning. Yeah, that's exactly if I'm doing it for that. And I'm not even getting that. And then there's all these other outcomes. Why bother?
Emma:
Yeah, that's exactly me.
Bec:
A huge part is to not feel shame, because I have so much shame. And it's coming up in all sorts of other areas at the moment, since being alcohol free. But to heap on shame on top of the fact that I had a data point is just the worst possible thing I could do. So much more likely, I'm going to do it again to get rid of the shame.
Emma:
That's exactly it. That's exactly it, isn't it? Yeah. And we and it just happened so much. It's almost like our cultural conditioning. That's what we do. If we think we've done something that is not what we wanted to do, we just sort of, were mean to ourselves and we say horrible things to ourselves. And, and yet yeah, like you say that's the most likely thing that means we're gonna go and do it again. Yeah, it's, it's a, it's a, it's a strange pattern, but it's different and it's difficult to get out of I think, I think just like our conditioning is like, is very much. If we're mean to ourselves, then we'll stop whatever it is. The idea is that we'll do that. But it's not the opposite. It's really true. It's actually if we're kind to ourselves. We can understand better and be in a calmer place to be able to change, right?
Bec
Yeah. Yeah. So if you
Emma
What was your biggest learning? Was that your biggest learning from the alcohol experiment, would you say?
Bec
So my biggest learning from the 30 days was, yeah, exactly that it was a data point that I had, where my husband said to me, because I admitted to him, and I probably wouldn't have been able to do this without the program, either. I admitted to him that I had been drinking secretly, and he didn't know that. So it was this big thing in my head. And he had no idea. And whilst he was a little shocked by that, he also said, "Look, why don't we sometimes drink together?" So here's this option laid open to me. By somebody to say, you don't have to be sneaky. I'm happy to do it sometimes in an open fashion. And so it was really quite weird to have that offer. I took the offer up, and we did it. And I just thought I felt so disgusting. It was lunch. Yeah, for the rest of the afternoon, I felt so horrible. From having probably two or three glasses of wine. And then the next day, I was craving more. And I just thought, No, this is not something I want to introduce into our relationship. Yeah. It's not something we need as part of our repertoire. It's only going to be destructive for me. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I share that a lot with the group and share that with him. And it was actually really helpful. Yeah, it felt very, very strange doing, sitting in a restaurant drinking a bottle of wine with someone I'd never had a drink with before because I had been alcohol free for so long. Someone I've never done that before. Boy, it felt weird.
Emma:
Fascinating. And so interesting that once you know the doors are open. You're like, I don't want to do that.
Bec
Otherwise, it might have remained as this. Yeah. This thing I was fantasizing about as being a good thing. And now I did it. And I'm like, it's on offer. But no.
Emma:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And in terms of the alcohol experiment, was there anything in it that really resonated for you? And in terms of the format or the connections or the group?
Bec
I loved the other women. I couldn't believe how fortunate I was that we were so alike. Yeah. And I thought, I wonder if Emma's been stalking us all on Facebook. Pick out we pick you and your group who are similar? I don't think so. I think again, it's just the universe putting us together. Yes. Unbelievable. We're all somewhere between sort of mid 40s to mid 50s, early 40s to mid 50s. We've all got kids either little teens or empty nesters and it's an amazing group of women. Yeah, sometimes I even look for differences. Yes, I can't believe how much you know, I'm looking for some sort of break and you know, yeah, that's me being paranoid, but it doesn't at all. Whenever it sort of takes someone away for a little bit. They'll come in and say I'm feeling disconnected and we just bring them back in. We just love them back into the group. It's so cool.
Emma:
Yeah, they are. It is a beautiful group and very lucky I think. Bec joined the 'be the lighthouse' group, which is my membership program after her 30 Day Alcohol experiment. And a lot of the ladies who did the alcohol experiment with Bec came over at the same time as well. So we've ended up with a really lovely strong group of women who've been together for a really long time working through that post 30 days, we want to be alcohol free. And we might not be 100% quite there yet. Not all of us, but we are all in that that's the direction we're all going in. So it's like, how do we like Bec says Love, nurture coach, support each other through this journey together? And so Bec, would you tell us a little bit about the be the lighthouse program, if you don't mind?
Bec
Yeah, it's really, it has ended up being a natural segue from one to the other. And it's more of the same, really, because I don't think there's any one of us who has remained alcohol free the entire time. So the 30 days, plus, now we're up to I don't know, three or four months now being a group. Yeah. And that's the honest truth. So because the reason I'm saying that is when I thought, well, I transitioned from the Aussie alcohol experiment to the be the lighthouse, because it's a decision to make it to commitment, financial and time and all those sorts of things. Will I do this? And I thought, I don't know if I can stay alcohol free. Yeah. And it was almost, I thought that that was a requirement. Yes. But it's not. We're all trying so hard. We're all working for progress, not perfection. We're all honest, when we have a data point, and there have been some along the way, and it's all completely fine. It's just a work in progress. And some of us who have longer stretches, then encourage the others and say, or sometimes it takes a while to get a long stretch. And then that might be another day, you might have another data point. And it's all completely fine.
Emma:
That's it, because that's how it is right? That's, that's how the journey goes: ups and downs and data points and getting back on, and the goal is to just put more into the alcohol free bucket, and then eventually it just tips. It's kind of magical in a way it's
Bec:
Yeah. And that's how it can become a lifetime. And a lifetime lifestyle. Yes. And I remember one of the ladies from the group saying recently that she'd worked out. And even though she has had a couple of data points she'd worked out if she got counted every day, how many had been alcohol free and how many data points there had been? She was still 96% alcohol free. She thought that was pretty darn good. bloody brilliant.
Emma:
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And it's what's been so lovely working with you guys has been just how well for me, it's there's a there's an intelligence to you or that you all want to learn. You want to grow, you want to investigate. And you particularly have really entered into this sort of investigation of self. Yeah. In order to kind of get rid of anything that's holding you back to creating the life that you want to live, which I honor and I think you're amazing the way you do that.
Bec:
Thank you. But that's absolutely my why for being alcohol free now. And that is why being alcohol free has changed in the last six months. It's gotten deeper. Yeah. Bigger, the bigger picture. And now my why is I want to find out who I really am. Because the first time I did stop drinking a few of those a few years ago, I had no idea who I was. I didn't used to be able to laugh. Yeah, but nothing's funny. I couldn't feel emotions. And so it does take time to get all that back. And for me to figure out who I am. And really, to work on. How did you put it? I remember in one of the things we were talking about recently, you might have been on one of the coaching calls. You said something like if you get to the point where you love and accept yourself, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And that is what I would like. That's what I'm striving for but that's my why, because I can't do that, if I'm messing up my energy with these data points along the way, so that's what sort of kept me for two months and three days or something, it's been my stretch this time. And I really want to.
Emma:
That's a long stretch, it really is. And it's, you know, a lot of investigation going into there and difficult things coming up and, you know, working through them. Yeah, even, you know, difficult conversations, and, you know, sitting in silences, and all of the things that make us feel most vulnerable, and being able to do that without reaching for a drink. And I think you were saying recently, in the group that, you know, you went through something, and it was quite a big thing. But if alcohol wasn't gonna help that was the last thing on your mind. It was like, you know, does it more about you know, I need to get out and go and have a walk, or I need to do something else. But I think that's really interesting, what you talk about there, that sort of journey back to yourself and finding out who you are, because that's been the biggest thing for me on this journey, as well. And I think it's really exciting. And I loved when you shared your picture of your little self. So beautiful, little Rebecca. And, you know, we talk about that sort of thing quite a lot in the group as well, like I do, reaching back to who we were put on this earth to be and treating ourselves when we feel vulnerable, and when we feel triggered with the kindness that we would if we would, if we were speaking to that young version of ourselves, you know.
Bec:
Yeah. And that was pretty early on in the program? I don't think I don't know if we did that in the alcohol experiment. We certainly started that sort of conversation with the group when we started with be the lighthouse. And at first, I found it quite difficult. And then it started to happen quite naturally. And I remember thinking, what would my little Rebecca really want? And I started with a decision. So what would little Rebecca really want to do? And then went from there? What does little Rebecca need? What does little Rebecca want? And it's about our genuine inside selves? Yeah. Yeah, and how sometimes what we're doing in the world doesn't really nurture that self. And so it's a bit tricky to start to think that way. But then it almost becomes natural. And we talk about it a lot. Yeah. And I think quite a few people just randomly got pictures of themselves. It wasn't anything. Why don't you get a picture of yourself and post it? Yes. We just started doing it. And it was just so cute. So nurturing.
Emma:
Yeah, it is. It's absolutely lovely. And just seeing the confidence in people and the willingness to share and be vulnerable. And I think so much in this work, like you say the group is such an important part of work with our call, I think is that knowing that we are all human beings, fallible human beings who have in many, many ways, very similar experiences of life. Yeah. And that sort of knowledge that someone else would have felt in a similar way to you at some point. And so that you have that connection there. So you're not alone or feeling ostracized? Or, you know, like, yeah, like you kind of make yourself when you're, when you're drinking and you're, you're not in community.
Bec:
Yeah. One of the things that I found stopped me from being able to stop drinking was this strong and firm belief that everybody else drank like I did. Everybody else drank. Yeah. And I had this realization. One day quite soon after I stopped drinking that. Hang on. It's a Friday night and there are lots of adults driving their cars around. They can't all be drunk drivers. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe not everybody does drink on a Friday night. And it just sort of breaks down those beliefs that I've never even recognized, let alone worked on. So that was something I really had to do and thinking that I was alone in the way I thought the way I reacted to my emotions and then finding in the group that people have either done that felt that feeling that or they can definitely relate.
And then I don't feel like a freak. Yes, that's it, which is always a nice feeling. That brings together Yeah. Because I'm with the whole menopause situation. I digress a little here.
Emma:
Yeah, it's lovely, isn't it? It's really nice. It's really nice. And to be able to talk about those kinds of things as well. I mean, sometimes we do talk about you know, things that bother, you know, worry us as women in midlife anyway, it could be, it could be stuff to do with the menopause could be stuff to do with perimenopause, it could be stuff to do with body image, it could be stuff, you know, there's all these things are entwined together because they kind of make up where we are in the world. Yes, a group of women in midlife, it's like, those are the things that we think about. And a lot of our cultural conditioning and our sense of selves comes from, you know, those those particular elements, how we get judged by society, things like, you know, our productivity, or perfectionism or anxiety, all of those kinds of things as well, you know, it all feeds into the same funnels. Yeah.
Bec:
And sort of nothing's off limits. So we might segue off for a little bit on the conversation about body image, which we did a couple of weeks ago, and everybody got right into it. And then recently, we've been talking about the challenge of connecting with a partner who's still drinking, when we're alcohol free. And that's just a whole other minefield. But those who are in that situation, which is quite a few of us can relate and think, Well, how do we not work our way through this situation?
Emma:
That's it. That's it, because there's so much more commonality than there is difference? Yeah, even though we might all be in different states and do different things we're living in, whatever, it's our humaneness and our, our commonality of being women in I guess, developing developed country, and you know, living these lives that we live, it feels that there's a there's a there's a deeper connection on a human level. Much more so than just about us you know, having drunk or drinking.
Bec:
Yeah, that I think you brought this to light for me as well, this society that we live in. In some ways it gives us no choice but to drink. Yeah. Because we're under pressure. We're just like, where else do you find, release all this stuff? We've got to do all these roles. We've got to fulfill all these people, we have to be for all the other people in our lives. You know, it's crazy making.
Emma:
That's right. Even keeping our teenagers, you know, okay, and just being all of the like, looking after partners, looking after parents, looking after jobs. It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot. And like you say, it's no wonder we drink, especially with the cultural conditioning that we all have as human beings in this world.
Bec:
And again, the work with you that's a completely different aspect to anything I'd had before but that it's about life. The life that we're in can make us, in my case, make us drink. And so therefore, we have to do something to change somehow, the way we react to the life we're in otherwise, we're going to go back to it.
Emma:
That's exactly Yeah, that's exactly it. And I think that's, for a lot of us. We're drinking, you know, because that's the only way we can kind of cope with it feels like it's the only way that we can cope with stuff that's really hard. And sometimes we're hiding from things. We don't want to have the grown up conversations around stuff and, you know, then those things come out and we have to have the grown up. That's really hard. Yeah. Yeah. And I think supporting each other through that is as important too, because, you know, for some of us, it was for me, I started drinking when I was 13. I don't know when you started drinking Bec?
Bec:
14.
Emma:
Yeah. So for some of us, you know, we've really used alcohol or any kind of awkward, difficult, uncomfortable conversation situation or something else. Or we've people pleased, and put ourselves last. And even sometimes we think that we're very self confident. And that we don't do that. We find out that, you know, once you start doing a bit of looking at your different patterns, and what actually happens, we're still kind of looking for approval from someone. Okay. And we're all right, and that we're worthwhile. And, you know, it all comes down to the same. The same kind of core beliefs. Yes, yes. About five or six different ones, if you were to kind of trot them out. But I think it's just part of being human. You know, we just come into this world, and things happen, and we take on a personality based on what we think we need to be like in order to be loved. And this work is about unraveling all that, I think.
Bec:
Yeah. I think you've asked the question of is, what if, what if you did love and accept yourself? Yeah. What if you did? Yeah. How would that be? Like, wow. And sometimes I get a little taste of that. And I just feel so liberated. Yeah. All the anxiety goes away. But that doesn't last long. So I'm working on it.
Emma:
We all are. We all are. That's the thing - it's forever work, isn't it? But it's interesting, and it's good. Some people say it's hard. I don't think it's hard. It can be difficult sometimes. But I think it's interesting.
Bec:
It's interesting to see life is juicy. When you're alcohol free. It's even juicier. Feeling the feels? That's again, that's I've got my wire written on my fridge. And that's my second reason why I want to feel the feels. Yeah. Which is scary. Definitely. Because I don't like some of them. But no, no, I am just escaping from them. They're still there. You know, the stuff is still there when you get back? So it's like, at some point, you've got to get into it. That's right.
Emma:
Or keep drinking one or the other?
Bec:
No, no, no, no, no.
Emma:
And so if there was something that if somebody was where you were, back when you joined in August, because there would be people who were feeling like you were. And you know, when you talk about sneaky drinking, and things like that, that is what I hear so much from people and groups that I work in. What would you say to them? What advice would you give them from your experience?
Bec:
Keep on going, keep on going with the group with support. And I'm not going to say bring it out into the light immediately. Yeah. Because the reason that you're doing it in a sneaky fashion is because you want to keep on doing it. Yeah. So sometimes my husband would say to me, why don't you just tell me when you're about to do it? I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. Because you'll say don't do it. Yeah. Yeah. So it sort of gets into a spiral. So as long as I think there's someone you can tell who's non judgmental, and that's what I found in the group, I wasn't ready to tell him because I kind of wasn't really ready to not do it to stop. But I could tell the group and it was okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then over time, I could tell him, yes, that's with the sneakiness. I mean, I've been working on honesty in other areas for the whole of my life. It's pretty huge. And I just know it's not good for relationships. Yeah. Yeah, there's something between the two people, the other one doesn't even know about.
Emma:
Yeah, absolutely.
Bec
It just takes time. Yeah. Yeah. Just I don't know, nothing clicked. There wasn't any one particular thing that anybody said, it just took time. Yeah. And really working on those beliefs. using that technique that we did. Yeah. We could talk about that for another hour or so. There. Yeah, it definitely works. That again, it takes time, you got to chisel away at a piece of rock.
Emma:
That's right. That's right. You do you do. And there's always so many different reasons behind the what are the reasons why we do what we do. And often, it's really difficult to see them yourself. When you're in. You know, it's like you are yourself. Right? So it's really hard to see them. So sometimes it's good to be in a group and you can spot something that's, you know, you might be saying and you might think it might be a story that you're living by, but actually, it might not be true.
Bec:
Yeah. And also in the coaching, I haven't really talked about the coaching calls. They're awesome. So whether you as a participant end up being the focus of it, or even most of the time, I just sit there and yeah, hold the space for the others and take it in. Oh, my goodness. Without fail. It's like, wow, I learned so much from that, because that's when you as a coach really work through the act. Yeah. What is there that proves that belief? What is there that disproves that belief? Could we have some sort of turnaround on that belief? Yeah. And it's like, Oh, wow. Yeah, I really believe that now I'm starting to shift it. Yeah.
Emma:
Yeah, that belief works amazing, isn't it? I? Yeah, it blows my mind. Whenever I do it. It's quite incredible how many things we believe about ourselves, particularly that are just cut, you know, not true.
Bec:
And there's not even any evidence for it. It didn't come from.
Emma:
It's so true. It's so true. It's so true. For me, working with you Bec, I think the thing that I find most inspirational is your ability to show up for yourself every day. Yeah. And your ability to share your vulnerability, the good and the bad stuff that happens so beautifully with the group. And just saying, you know, when you come on, and you open up about yourself, and what's happening, good or bad, you give other people the gift of being able to go "What if she can do it, then I can do it too". And it's going to be okay. So I thank you so much for the leadership that you bring in the group in that way. And just showing up for yourself, you've done such an amazing job.
Bec:
Thank you. I think it's about another realization I've had since this work is that people actually don't want to see a perfect person that's too intimidating. It's a turn off. If they can see a little bit of vulnerability, something that's not perfect. They can relate to that. That's I think, oh, wow, well, yeah, that's me, too. Yeah.
Emma:
It's so true, isn't it? We all spend all our time trying to be like these perfect images and actually the people that we love or the silly people or the, like silly, awkward things or say the wrong thing or just, you know, a vulnerable and unreal. Yeah. Yeah, I think so too. Thank you very much. Bring that to the group in the nicest way. So thank you Bec. It's been great chatting to you.
Bec:
I forgot we're actually recording ourselves and just relax. So it's been wonderful.
Emma:
I really appreciate you coming on. And again, is there anything that you would like to say before we finish? Or is there anything that you would offer to anybody who was struggling at the moment with booze and wanted to change their relationship? I think you've said, keep on, keep on going. That's a big one.
Bec:
I mentioned before I had some doubts, or do I just sort of, I've probably had enough now I'll be right on my own. Yeah. I'm not right on my own. It might take a long time for me to realize that. But that's actually that was the problem in between the long period of sobriety. And then starting with that argument in my head, I didn't have a community of like minded people who walked who'd been there. Yeah. And without that, it's pretty tough. Because you really are being a lighthouse, you're different to the rest of society. And that takes, you know, because we're just so hardwired to be like everyone else to be accepted. It's really quite hard to go out on a limb.
Emma:
It is, I think, one of the hardest things. I think you're so right. I think yeah, that is a huge reason why people go back to drink, because they don't want to.
Bec:
Yeah, it's too hard to be different. It's too hard to explain all the time. It's too hard to make these changes. Yeah. It's not that hard. If you've got this. If you've got women behind you.
Emma:
Yeah. Yeah, I think that's so true. That's so true.
Bec
I guess the piece of advice if you're sort of vacillating? Well, I won't. Oh, I can't really afford it. Or maybe my husband will find out or I can just jump in. Deal with all that later. Yeah, do it first. Just do it.
Emma:
Oh, thank you back. I really appreciate you taking the time to come on and being so brave. And, you know, feeling the fear and doing it anyway, it's Yeah, appreciate it. Thank you, my love.
