INTRO
In this week's episode of Midlife AF, I'm going to take you through exactly what it is like to be a participant in the great aussie alcohol experiment.
If you're a woman in midlife whose intuition is telling you that giving food the elbow might be the next right move, then Midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counsellors psychotherapist this naked mind in grey area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting, quirky teens, menopause, relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more, that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else, if your intuition is waving her arms manically at you, saying it could all be so much easier if we didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our group without boobs.
00:01:10
Hello, glorious humans, and welcome to this week's episode of Midlife AF. And today I'm going to take you through what the alcohol experiment, the great aussie alcohol experiment is actually like. So it's going to be a bit nuts and bolty. And just to remind you guys as well that the reason that I'm so passionate about this and this is my signature program is because this is the program that helped me stop drinking and completely changed my relationship with alcohol. I really felt like alcohol was everything and it was the icing on the cake of everything that I did.
00:01:57
I had really no social life without alcohol and I really didn't enjoy doing anything unless alcohol was involved. I genuinely believed that alcohol was the elixir to all things good. Although there was something in my intuition that was telling me that I needed to make some changes around it, I really thought it was cool. I thought it was fun.
00:02:26
I thought I was tough for being able to drink as much as I did. And, yeah, every time I tried to take a break because of the fact it was making me feel bad. Because of the fact I was feeling incongruent. Because of the fact my kids were telling me that they didn't. Like me drinking because of the fact I was making an idiot of myself on a regular basis and putting myself in dangerous situations and my children in dangerous situations.
00:02:52
There was something surprisingly in my intuition telling me there's something not right here. But every time I took a break, I felt like I was deprived and I felt like I was missing out. And I couldn't understand how or even visualise the idea that I might stop drinking. And it was an extraordinary process, really, because I started with the idea that I was going to take a year off and I started doing this naked mind's alcohol experiment in January 2020. Within two weeks, the desire to drink had completely gone.
00:03:26
Like, I literally did not want to touch the stuff, didn't want to go anywhere near me because my beliefs around it had shifted completely. Now, I'm not saying that there weren't times that I had cravings or didn't think, oh, it might be nice to have a glass of wine every now and again during the six months. I'm not saying that didn't happen. But all of that craving, all of that wanting, all of that white knuckling, all of that sense of deprivation was completely gone. And that was because of what I learnt in the alcohol experiment and the methodology that this naked mind teaches.
00:04:03
And I now carry on into my own, very own version of that. Because I remember when I was learning to be a coach under this naked mind, and I literally applied to be a coach with them two weeks after I had started the alcohol experiment, I was like, I want to do this. This is amazing. And I was already training to be a counsellor. So I was like, well, I can add this to my training to be a counsellor, and it will be perfect.
00:04:25
This is my thing. It was amazing.
00:04:30
But yeah, it was just so incredible. And that's why I've created my own version of it. And the reason that I did that is because, like Scott and Annie said, in our training, a million different people can tell you the same thing, but only some people will resonate with you. They'll be your people, you'll have a connection with them. And like any type of counselling, any kind of therapy, any type of coaching, the result of the coaching, the result is more dependent on the relationship that you have with the person training you or coaching you or counselling you or giving you therapy than anything they do or say.
00:05:07
And so for me, this is why, in my world, I have complete abundance around other coaches. Because I know that the people who resonate with me, the nearly 50 year old people who don't wear very much makeup, who are possibly not as healthy as they could be, who've got teenagers, who are possibly neurodiverse, who might be having teenagers, who are gender diverse, we might be. Yeah. So, you know, those are my people, people who've got the same sort of sense of humour, silly sense of humour as me, like people being a bit of an idiot, they will come to me as a coach because of who I am, just like my beautiful friends Ellie and Sam in the UK. People come to them because they are wonderful.
00:05:52
My friends, kath, elliot, my friends, kim and other this naked mind coaches that are all absolutely amazing. And then there's some other beautiful coaches that I worked with and I work for sometimes, like Lucy from Thrivalist. We've got Faye Lawrence. Sarah Conley, Sarah Ruspat. All these coaches are amazing.
00:06:16
And there's no competition between me and them because number one, there's room for us all because there's so many people who are struggling with alcohol. And we're starting to realise as a society that it is much more problematic than we gave it credit for. But also because I am me and my people will come to me, Jenny's people will come to her, and Kath's people will come to her. And this is like what Scott was saying. We can't teach enough people this methodology.
00:06:49
Because you hear something from some person, you take that away, you hear it from another person, you hear it completely differently. So even though the basis of the program, which is 100% based on compassion and it's research based and what I found so amazing when I did my counselling degree, when I got on to the alcohol and other drugs part, I was so excited and happy to see how in line it was with what Annie and Scott teach. And also, because I am a bit of a nerd, you'd never know because I always seem like I'm not, but I haven't got the most qualifications. You wouldn't even believe it.
00:07:38
I like to check everything. I would never put my name to something that I didn't believe in. And so I've checked all the research and everything, and it's all completely sound and wonderful. So that's the reason why I created my own version of it, because it's a brilliant, brilliant product. And I've coached in it for this naked mind.
00:08:02
I've coached in it as part of their year long Path program. I've coached in it as part of the alcohol experiment as well. Both times are absolutely brilliant. The thing that's different about my program is that I deliver it and also that my coaching is on Zoom. My daily coaching is on zoom.
00:08:24
So basically what you do when you sign up to the experiment and it's exactly that, it's an experiment. And that is the important thing about it. The goal of the experiment is actually not to stop drinking or to take a break from drinking. The goal of the experiment is to increase your awareness. And that's why it's called an experiment.
00:08:43
And that's the beautiful thing about it. So it's taking away from this, like, yes, I'm going to do a 30 day program. Yes, my intention is not to drink during that program, but that is not what I'm going to be celebrating. What I'm going to be celebrating on a daily basis is the more things that I learn about myself and my relationship with alcohol and the way of coaching is so kind and so gentle and so informative and so much fun. We talk about every single day.
00:09:15
You get an email with written content and a link to video content, that video content will have a different theme. So it's a different theme every day. So it might be socialising, it might be sex, it might be cravings, and that'll be the theme of the day. And so you'll watch that video, there'll be some reflections. There's a Facebook group, so you can come on.
00:09:41
So you can come on and you can kind of do journaling there if you want to. You can share, you can be part of the community, you can all support each other. And again, that's the beautiful thing about this program is it's all about community. And community is so important in an alcohol free journey.
00:10:03
And the reason that it's so important is because we all think that we are alone and broken around alcohol. We have shame around the fact that we can't stop drinking when we say we're going to. We feel shame that we can't just have one drink and we end up having a bottle. We feel shame that we make promises to ourselves and we break them because society has told us that there is something wrong with us. It has been said and you hear people say, oh, do you have a problem?
00:10:40
Do you have a problem with alcohol? Is that why you're stopping drinking? Even though loads of people stop drinking for all kinds of reasons or have never drunk at all. But there's this idea, there's this other ring of people and it's very much perpetuated by the alcohol industry because 100% in their interest to do that. That's why you have the labels on the bottle saying drink responsibly.
00:11:00
So we talk a lot about that. So you'll get daily emails, you will get daily reflections. There's a Facebook group every day. The subject matter of the day will come up in the Facebook group, I'll be in there. Lou, who's my virtual assistant and mentor, will be there.
00:11:21
It's all about digging up other women. It's generally all women in midlife. We've generally got heaps and heaps in common. It is people from all over the world, depending on where the time zone is and what fits. But there's a bias towards there's a large number of Australians there.
00:11:43
And then the great thing is, and this is the thing that makes it really different, is that we have coaching, zoom live group coaching, where everybody gets to you can be on the screen, you don't have to be on the screen. I will take you through ten different key limiting beliefs that are the most common ones that we have around alcohol, that keep us stuck. And I will talk you through the process of breaking those beliefs. Now, beliefs are things that we hold in our mind and they're in our unconscious and they drive what we do. We hold them as clear as they are, as real to us as the sky is blue.
00:12:30
Things like I love the taste of alcohol. A celebration wouldn't be a celebration without alcohol. I need alcohol to relax. I need alcohol to help me sleep. Without alcohol, things wouldn't be fun.
00:12:42
It's all those kinds of beliefs that we have been saturated with. We can't have a good meal out without a fancy wine list and tasting. And there's all these beliefs. From a personal level, it might be that I'm not funny without alcohol. I am socially anxious, which is often the case.
00:13:02
Without alcohol, an evening would be boring. Without alcohol, there's all this stuff, right? I get bored without alcohol. All of these beliefs that we have, which we find out as we go through, are actually completely untrue. But we have a way of doing that, a way, a particular way that this naked mind teaches that is incredible.
00:13:25
And that's what makes the difference, I think, in this particular program. Because you can learn everything about the science of it all and why you are not to blame, you are not at fault. Why alcohol is an addictive substance to anybody made of blood, skin or bone.
00:13:49
But if you still genuinely believe that alcohol has something amazing about it that makes your life better, it's very hard to stop drinking. But this methodology, you get to a point where you can just take or leave alcohol and generally you leave it because it doesn't have any allure to you anymore. And you work through all of that. We talk about society, we talk about the reasons why we've all been conditioned to believe that alcohol has something to offer us. And we talk about the medical side, we talk about the health side.
00:14:27
But the most important thing that we do is we provide community support because so many people who are struggling with alcohol believe that there's something wrong with them, believe that they're weak, believe that if they're not mean to themselves about it, they won't be able to change. And everything about this experiment is with compassion and awareness. We stop judging ourselves and we start trying to understand what is happening for us when we need to self regulate with alcohol. And that's exactly what it is. It's self regulating.
00:15:03
And the purpose of the experiment is not for people to become alcohol free afterwards. I choose to be alcohol free because I decided to take a year off. My life got so much better with it, with that taking a year off. I continue to grow, I continue to find out who I am and I continue to do that to this day. But that's not the goal of the experiment.
00:15:25
And at the end of the experiment, we talk through what all the different options are. We said if people want to go back to moderating, if they want to go to Moderating, we put in all loads of different tools for them to be able to do that in a managed way. And there's lots and lots of different tactics for that. Some people just go back to drinking as they did before. They just had a nice break and they feel better and they go back to how they were because that suits them and they feel comfortable with that.
00:15:53
And that's exactly what this is all about. This is about you learning all about the substance, but you also have a bit of fun and you learn about yourself and then you can make a decision about what you want to do going forward. And there's absolutely no pressure from me as to what you do next, but it is purely let's if we're going to do things, let's do them intentionally. Let's not be driven by our unconscious. Let's not have something controlling us.
00:16:28
Let's at least be aware, let's at least understand why it is incredibly difficult to just have two drinks and not make it mean something about us and our willpower and our character. You know, let's, let's know these things and then we can, then we can behave intentionally. And I guess that's the purpose behind it all. But from a practical perspective, as I said, you get a daily email, you get a daily video that comes into your inbox. There's a Facebook group with a community of beautiful, beautiful people.
00:17:01
Everyone gets really close. There is the opportunity, if you want to, to carry on and be part of my pay as you go membership program called Be the Lighthouse. I've got a group of about eleven people in there and they're wonderful. And I think that's an interview process. So you just apply and we just meet and have a chat about what your intentions are.
00:17:26
And that's really for people who are wanting to move towards alcohol for a longer period of alcohol free living. But that's not the purpose of the alcohol experiment. The alcohol experiment is for everybody, wherever you are in your relationship with alcohol, it's about taking a break, learning, understanding, and having a giggle. But most importantly, it's actually about, and this is something so rarely we do as women, it's actually about investing some time and energy in ourselves and getting some time to reflect on what we're doing and how it's affecting us. Because I've said it a million times before, the reason why most women drink has nothing to do with the booze, it has to do with a lot of other things.
00:18:09
And sometimes taking a break from booze can shine a light on what those are and then it can really help us to make changes in our lives, to make our lives feel more like home and less like something that we need to escape from. Yeah, so I think the group coaching is brilliant. So basically there's a little bit of teaching at the beginning, five minutes or so, depending on what everyone wants. And then it's really a circle. It's like, has anybody got anything they want to share?
00:18:36
Any beliefs they want to work through? Let's have a chat and then we focus on a couple of people, maybe two, three, four people per session. But it's really something that's there every night for people to come on to. It's usually half an hour long. Sometimes it can go a little bit longer just depending on what people need.
00:18:53
But at least then you know when you're going through those 30 days, that at some point in the day, usually in the early evening, there is a call that you can come on. So if you are getting a craving and you do want to drink, you can say, I just have to wait a couple of hours and I'll jump on the call and then I can get some coaching. I can say, this is what I'm struggling with, this is what happened to me today, this is why I'm feeling triggered, this is the stuff that's coming up and so on and so forth, and I can help you through that. And as I said, I'm a trained counsellor psychotherapist. I'm at this naked mind coach.
00:19:29
I'm studying under Gabul Marte at the moment to get his professional compassionate inquiry qualification. And I'm a grey area drinking coach, so I also do understand how the body works and the neuroreceptors and the physical bits and pieces. And then the other thing to add is that for everybody who joins the alcohol experiment, you get three meditations from me. One grounding, one orienting and one centering. And the grounding is hugely important because often to be grounded is what we need when we think that we actually need to drink.
00:20:06
So when we want that, it's actually grounding that we're looking for. So that can be really helpful. There's also a drinks list with a money off coupon to use at Sip and Enjoy, which I've partnered with, which is the local Melbourne alcohol free bottle shop in Abbotsford. And they deliver as well. So it's got my recommendations there.
00:20:33
And the beautiful Emma Walkinshaw has offered free month access to her 21 minutes of morning madness to every single person who signs up to the Aussie alcohol experiment. There's a payment plan if you want it. It's $140 over four sessions. The price of the course itself upfront is $450.
00:21:05
Starts on the 1 March, finishes on the 30 March. What else? What else could you be asking questions about? The community is on Facebook, but it doesn't matter if you don't have Facebook and you don't want to be on Facebook, that is totally fine as well because you will get plenty of community in the Zoom calls every evening and make friends with everybody and feel supported and loved and part of the group. If you're worried about being on the Zoom calls, you actually don't have to be on them.
00:21:34
Of course not. You can come in where you like, they get recorded so you can watch them on replay.
00:21:41
If you don't want to have your camera on, that's absolutely fine. You can just listen, that's totally fine as well. What else might you want to know?
00:21:55
I can't think of the timings. I can't remember off the top of my head exactly what days we have, but I'll put them in the show notes of the podcast, but they're at different times in the evening every day, and I think at the weekends I've got them. I think I've got one at five and one at six. I'll confirm it in the show notes so you can double check. Anything else?
00:22:22
Yes, it's $450 and lots of free. We'll try to think of anything else, but you should join us. Is fun. I'm high energy, I'm fun, I have a giggle. I am not a preachy person.
00:22:38
I have been where everybody else is, and I'm just a few steps ahead in my relationship with alcohol. So I'd love to see you there.
00:22:51
Yeah, come and join us. Come and make alcohol a small and insignificant part of your life. Oh, my goodness. I cannot believe what the difference it makes when you get to choose what your relationship with alcohol is like. You get to have control.
00:23:07
It doesn't control you anymore. I look forward to seeing you there. Come and join us. We'll have a giggle and get healthy and learn loads and yeah, just spend some time with ourselves, something we don't do often enough. All right, my lovelies.
00:23:26
You take care. I'll see you very soon.
