Emma Gilmour 0:00
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of midlife A F. I'm really excited, very unusual for us to have a guy on the potty. And I might change that that soon. But this week we've got Mr. Anthony Hammond who is running an event this October called pub with no booze. And I'm going to hand over now to myself and Anthony and he can tell you all about it if you're a woman in midlife has intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move. Their midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counselor psychotherapist this naked mind and gray area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting quirky teens, menopause relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else. If your intuition is waving her arms manically at you saying it could all be so much easier. We didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our group without booze.
Emma Gilmour 1:25
I lovingly acknowledged the boomerang people of the Kulin nation as the custodians of current Baroque. I share my admiration for the Aboriginal culture I witnessed the connection that they have for each other and the land and their community. As I swim in the waters and walk on the land, I feel the power of this place. I'm grateful for the Aboriginal peoples amazing custodianship, the power, beauty and the healing potential of this place. I wish to pay special respects to the elders of the Buena, wrong people. Their wisdom, guidance and support are exceptional, and felt well beyond the Aboriginal community. I honor that this is Aboriginal land, and that it has never been ceded. I am committed to listening to the Aboriginal community, and learning how I can be an active ally in their journey to justice. Hello, everyone. Thanks for joining us. We're gonna make this into a podcast afterwards as well. So I'll get that out of there we go. There we go. Hello. Lovely to see you on this beautiful day. Hi, Marcia. Yes, beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous. Thanks for joining us, Anthony. I'm so pleased you're here.
Anthony Hammond 2:47
Thank you for having me.
Emma Gilmour 2:48
No problem at all. We I wanted to get Anthony along because he's he is the owner of I think how many pubs Do you own? Two
Anthony Hammond 3:00
arms hotel and pitch. Victoria hotel in Footscray. Yeah.
Emma Gilmour 3:04
Amazing. And I came across Anthony quite a while ago, actually, because I think I've met with a few different people. And there was some Amy was holding some events. With Dr. At where it's an Anthony's business. It's also very local pub to me. And I absolutely love the pub because it has such an amazing array of no and low alcohol, alternative drinks, as well as you know, your regular drinks, and provides a really inclusive, lovely space for everybody. Thank you very, um, yeah, it's a gorgeous, gorgeous pub. It's a real traditional purpose. Well, isn't it annual food's amazing. We went there for Father's Day lunch.
Emma Gilmour 3:55
And the reason I wanted to get you to come on and talk with us is he has been holding an event for three years. This is a third year, right?
Anthony Hammond 4:05
It's over the last sort of 12 months, but it's the third stage
Emma Gilmour 4:10
third iteration of the event called pub with no booze, and I'm very excited about this October and you know, it's very famous, normally sober October. And I thought it would be really fun to kind of talk about how we can have a dry, sober alcohol free October without it having to be boring and dull, which sometimes that word thinks about that feeling from people. And so I thought I'd bring Antony on to tell us a bit about himself, his story, so I'll get him to introduce himself and tell us a bit about his story, a bit about the pub and then a bit about the event as well. So anyone who's looking to come along, I'm taking as well a group with Greg from brewski dads and And Anita as well, who's the sober rebellion, we're gonna pull together a group as well. So if anyone's unknown, and they want to come with other people, they can always come with us underground, toxicated and Kappa, though, over to Anthony, who can tell you all about the event and how to get your tickets and all that stuff.
Anthony Hammond 5:18
Thanks very much, Emma, I suppose I'll just, I'll just give a quick rundown of, of of how public booze came about. And it sort of ties very much into into my story. And two and a half years ago, I realized that probably before, well, before that, the two and a half years ago, I decided I needed some help to get to understand my relationship with alcohol, which become extremely problematic. I was, I was a daily drinker, and it was starting very early in the morning. And I'd become a real problem. personally, professionally, and in my familiar life. I, I entered a rehabilitation facility at that point, and because I needed I needed to be removed from from that problem, and had that problem removed from me. So what, what I did is I went to a residential facility where they were able to help me understand my relationship with alcohol and, and the maladaptive behaviors that I've developed over my adult life. And when I say adult life, probably probably from the age of 16, yeah. When I when I first started drinking, and, and all that sort of thing. So through that, you know, I'm now two and a half years sober. Missions. Thank you, thank you, which is a an interesting place for Republicans to be. Especially, you know, I'm a second generation publican, so my parents were publicans as well. So I grew up in pubs from the age of one year old day, before my first birthday, my parents moved into the first pub. So my, my real formative years were spent, was spent in that environment, living upstairs at the pub at different paths. And, and, you know, all my parents, friends, Republicans, my, some of my cousins, Republicans, my uncles, and Auntie's Republican, so I was really surrounded by that, from a very early age. Whether or not that's informed how, you know, I drank, or my relationship with alcohol, I think, I think it really normalized the idea of alcohol for me. And then moving into early adulthood, joining a local football team in in regional Victoria, they sort of really became my, for better or worse, they became my role models on how I saw life as an adult man, a young adult man. And, and alcohol played a very big part of that. And it was, it was really championed, you know, how much you drank, how often you drank, you know, it was very much in in that way. And, again, that's not why I felt issues with alcohol. But it was probably a way of, you know, how I was, how I saw the world, in effect. You know, there's definitely no blame for any of those organizations or for how I grew up, but it was definitely colored how I saw people interact, how I saw you're meant to be grow up to be a man, yeah, especially in regional VTi in a regional area, where alcohol was very much the center of, of the community. So, after I drank very heavily, drugs were part of what I went through, but very much, you know, I got in the hospitality industry and things sort of snowballed from there. You know, I'm, I'm very grateful and I count myself extremely lucky that my beautiful wife was able to do I get emotional when I talk about it was very courageous in helping me get out. And I suppose saying that, that I was ill. Yeah. So I just took a moment to compose myself. And always, I know it's worth sticking by. Yeah, I know a lot of people don't have so certainly lucky and grateful for that.
Emma Gilmour 10:00
No, you're fine. It's an emotional subject matter as me take your time.
Anthony Hammond 10:05
It is.
Anthony Hammond 10:08
And as more I think that emotions more gratitude than sadness.
Emma Gilmour 10:14
Yeah. And I think you're right as well. It's, I listen to so many human, beautiful human beings at the moment who are going through a really tough time, at home, and just feeling so isolated and alone and feeling so bad about themselves. And it's such a tough place to be in and to have somebody see, the, you know, the core of you that essence of you, and know, that you, you know, what you are, as your real self and be able to kind of love and see you through that is a really beautiful thing. So I totally empathize.
Anthony Hammond 11:00
Yeah, yeah. It's amazing. It's absolutely amazing and very special. And as I said, extremely courageous. Yeah, my wife, you know, for the trauma that she had been through and, and just the uncertainty that the, and chaos that I created, you know, sort of every day at the end, so but, you know, that sort of led me to a crisis of identity in my, in my working life. I've owned restaurants and pubs and worked in big pubs and stuff for basically all of my adult life. So my life and my being had been very much intertwined with alcohol. And so I got out of rehab, and I'm sort of, Well, who am I now? You know, who am I now? And can I actually be sober and do my job, and be good at it? Because I thought it was about, you know, that's what my identity was. So again, with, with the help and, and, and perseverative, beautiful, courageous rapper, I believe, has joined on this you know, she was able to help me explore what it is to be a sober person in the hospitality space, which, you know, I don't see many out there out there are some out there, but there's not a lot of, they're not very visible. And also the whole idea in hospitality, you play hard, you work hard, you play hard. And at the end of the day, you you wind down by having a drink, which was just ingrained in my psyche. So for me, then it was started out as a Melbourne Food Wine Festival event. Unfortunately, during COVID, everything was so uncertain, and it got canceled. Sort of floated me a bit. But yeah, again, the response that we got was so encouraging that I thought, Oh, shit, there's got to be something to this. Yes. And there's got to be there's enough people that are interested in it. There's enough people that are that are wanting to reevaluate in their relationship with alcohol and may not have got to the point that I got to, and I, and this isn't about sobriety and all the public, no booze, it's just about being inclusive. And giving people the option of showing people that there are there are these great options to not have to consider. So you felt that you may have had to to enjoy yourself. So the whole idea of public no booze is that this is our to show you that we can get together and enjoy ourselves without getting on the grog. With that being inebriated. So I look what I found. Is that the current activity that I searched for at the pub when I was drinking, yeah, I've actually found now not drinking.
Emma Gilmour 14:19
So interesting. You say that? I find it fascinating because when I'm working with people at the moment, that's one of our, you know, the big things that people are worried about. They're like, I'm so you know, how am I going to connect with my friends? What's it going to be like, you know, what does that mean? I'm never going to be able to go to the pub again. And all of these kind of worries, which makes sense, right? But like you say, it's so nice to be able to, you know, get an evening out on you know, under your belt without drinking in one of like, I mean, this is a perfect opportunity, but to get something under your belt without it and then realize that actually It wasn't the booze that was helping you connect to people it was, it was actually the environment and the people and you know, the actual conversations that you're having.
Anthony Hammond 15:12
And traditionally, that's what the pub was, yeah, the pub was a meeting place where you would have, you know, you'd meet up with your mates after work, you'd go there with your family and watch the footy, you do all these things. And unfortunately, sometimes alcohol can blow that. And, you know, like you're saying, for me, I could go to the pub, and I could be in a pub with 1000 people, I could still be isolated. Yes. 100%, you know. And now what I've found is that I, the last two and a half years of being sober, I can actually connect with people in a way that I never connected before. And that is, you know, even my friends that I've had for 20 or 30 years I can be connected with them. Were online it really beforehand, it was you know, was like, you know, the first floor the first three beers, you might have got a bit of conversation out, and then it was just about, oh, geez, you put a bit of weight on Yeah, you know, just go for it teams go and sit out. So you know, you didn't get a kick on the weekend or, or whatever it might have been, you know, that banter that men? Indulging
Emma Gilmour 16:26
was actually really Yeah. Yeah. You know?
Anthony Hammond 16:31
Yeah, the connection had broken down. After three beers. Yes. And it was actually about hanging shit on each other, which, yeah, isn't that nice, really. Whereas now I can be interested in people, I can know what their wife does, what their husband does, I can remember their wife and husband, as opposed to just going, oh, you know, the belt, the ball and chain or whatever. But you know, for me now. And the last two events that we've done, for public divers have been so great in being able to connect with people where there is no alcohol around. No alcohol around, you don't have to be worried about picking up someone else's beer or doing whatever. You're just it's a really safe space for people to explore all these options, without maybe feeling that the pub and I don't really want to drink but if I asked for a non alcoholic beer, everyone's gonna know that I'm not drinking. Alright. So with this, it's sort of there is no drinking. Yeah. So there's no one's going to be looking at you going? Oh, well, James Anthony is not having a drink tonight. Something's wrong with him. So no one's doing it. Yeah. So you can explore it, you can explore the whole idea from a space of safety. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, for me, in early sobriety, that was really big. I was scared shitless about picking up a drink. You now, I might be a bit of a conundrum to some people in the fact that I do work in the IT industry. But now through, you know, through hyper vigilance and doing a lot of things, you know, I'll be very transparent. I'm part of a 12 step program. Yeah. Which which works for me. You know, and I do things like gratitude list of a morning I do meditation, you know, I speak with other people in the inner same fellowship and, and that really keeps me grounded and keeps me aware of the fact that my problems with alcohol and drugs, very deep seated so I can never go back that one. Yeah, bring all the old wonderings too many hundreds never enough, probably 1000 with me. But now that I can see unbridled joy in my life, especially through my family through my two children and through my wife that in the past that joy was how much drug I can get into my system or how many drugs I could get him into my system had a finite time. Yeah, because at some point the drugs and alcohol there was none left bed now writing, you know, having my kids ride their bikes and you know, reading to them and just doing all these things that I never had the want to do because of my issues. drug and alcohol addiction. I can now do those things. And yeah, feel that joy, which is so much better than any juggler or drink either heard. Yeah. And it's free.
Emma Gilmour 19:42
Well, I love that you say that? Because it takes a while doesn't it too? I mean, I know for me, when I stopped drinking it was I to begin with and I hear quite a lot of my clients talking about this as well. I really empathize with it. It was like you know, No, it's it feels really boring. You know? Yeah. And that's why this this unit feels boring contentment feels like ordinariness you unless of highs and lows and alcohol and drugs. And it takes a little while sometimes for you to start to see that sort of, like the joy in everyday life. But it does come, doesn't it? That's been my experience. So
Anthony Hammond 20:25
absolutely. And I think one of the things friend, good girlfriend of mine, who's about 18 months sober now nearly two years over, she's sort of we talked about how life can be beige. i But that's how I like, so much better than the chaos. Yes. The the permeated every aspect of my life previously. Yes. I can accept I can accept beige. Because life is hard. Hopefully, you know, a long lifetime means that there will be a lot of beige. There's a lot of washing the dishes is doing their laundry, taking the dog for a walk. It's not all it's not all rock concerts and free Grand Finals. Yeah. Yeah. So accepting that, and knowing that that is a part of everyone's life has helped me to be able to rein in my expectations of what exciting is Yeah. Went away with with my wife and our two boys went away. We went skiing, right? We're talking about nearly eight, nearly four year old, going down a crazy little green runs with all of us, the four of us that filled my heart was so much joy. You know, 10 years ago, I would have told you that was the most boring thing that could have ever happened to Yeah, it was amazing. Absolutely amazing. So for me to be able to do that now. And find that joy, that's mind blowing. For me. That's an absolute. And, and, you know, I find that that lack of, you know, I'm still a selfish narcissist. Most probably, I don't think that'll ever get cured of that. But being able to see what I can do for other people, and it'd be such a selfish treat all the time, is something that for me is a sort is a spirituality in a way yeah. That, you know, I'm not, I don't run the universe, I don't need to run the universe, I thought I did back in the day, really exhausting. And not everything's gonna work out my way. I can see I can be compassionate, I can be loving, I can be patient, I can be tolerant towards people now, who in a pastor would have just either walked past and not given a second thought to or just brushed off just going to I'm too busy for you. I'm too important for you. You know, that was that was that real high ego low self esteem that people talk about a times and now it's understandable act and assemble act to make me know that I'm a good person, opening the door for someone, letting letting someone cross the road in front of in the car. You know, picking up dog poop and walking the dog instead of just leaving and going, Oh, who cares? You know, all these little things that I do now makes me actually feel really good about myself. Instead of going I'm such a fearful scared little boy, which I was, you know, even up when I was 46 when I got sober. That when I went to the pub, I had to say to my mates, did you you know, Jiseok? Shut out. What did you really hear? You know, I don't have to put people down now to feel better about myself. And I can be accepting people. I'm gonna accept myself now. Which was something I could never do. So yeah, so back to public, no booze. Okay. Keep worrying that I'm falling out of frame I'll probably
Emma Gilmour 24:06
sign you're now you're totally fine.
Anthony Hammond 24:09
There's so public no booze. You know, what we do is restrict the pop out of God. And everything is an alcoholic, you know, beer, wine, spirits, alternative wines. Things that you would normally drink alcoholic with alcohol in. Yeah. So, you know, we want to show people that the pub is an inclusive place. Yes. It's a place where you can come and feel comfortable. You can come and feel safe in whatever choice you make. Yeah. You know, ideally, you know, this is, yeah, this is just something where people just might crack open that door of sort of our common try 60s 70 products, they're all good. I can guarantee you that too. They're all good products. They're made by people who care. Yes. And people that get it, the people in a non alcoholic beverage space really get it. They understand that this might be someone at my end of this spectrum, or someone who's just sort of going, you know what? I just don't want to drink as much coffee as what I used to. Yes, yes. Pick up a four pack of apes normal. You know, I'll try this. I'll try, you know, non, which is one of our favorite non alcohol. I
Emma Gilmour 25:37
love not. It's my favorite. Oh, Marcy has just said she's just buying tickets. Now. That's so
Anthony Hammond 25:44
good work Marsha. Well. So we've convinced someone there. That, you know, for me, it really is about, you know, with the pubs. alcoholic, non alcoholic doesn't matter. They live along side by side by side with each other. You know, this event that would be due to which, you know, as I said, we should pull the rug out. It's to give people a safe space to explore it. That's really what's behind the whole idea of public no booze at the Victoria hotel, give people a safe space to store there is no judgement, no one will judge you no one's drinking. So people aren't on different levels. That's you know. So
Emma Gilmour 26:27
what will one day be like Anthony? So we get there. What time does it open and what's sort of happening?
Anthony Hammond 26:33
Yeah, so with that with that, it's, it starts at three o'clock. Yeah, right goes through two. And that's the the tastings just straight on. So we go three o'clock till seven o'clock is the tasting. And we were open till eight o'clock. But that's just sort of Saturday, there's a bit of a wind down. Matt Wilkinson is going to be doing the food. People are familiar with Matt Wilkinson. He's a fantastic chef. He's a wonderful person. He's really great mate of mine and he's come on with us to sort of you know, just help us out with that food idea of it because again, I think the non ALC space is a really great place to be able to to show everything so you know it's not just about the property itself up at the bar and drink and br Because that that little addiction or that little What is it the little receptors pick up all the dopamine Yeah. switched on. Yeah, get switched on. So being able to go there's food there, you know, Lady langurs is going to come and do so excited you know just just so that people can see that this is a is a possibility. Yes. It's not just a boring someone so because you're not drinking anymore you aren't involved in more or less more exciting than it was ever was when I was
Emma Gilmour 28:02
angry I have the same I'm the same although I have got slightly more accepting with myself if I don't want to go to stuff I'm more like I'm not going to go whereas before I used to go to everything yeah as I was worried that I was now a bit more selective
Anthony Hammond 28:20
Absolutely. I can I can I can I completely agree with you. But yeah, as I said that, that that joy that I get out of connection with people Yeah, conversation. Knowing what I said. You're not worrying.
Emma Gilmour 28:35
Oh 100% Oh my God and my kids not telling the same to me mum we told you that last night yeah, embarrassing. Yeah.
Anthony Hammond 28:43
So I now know what what I'm doing I can drive home I can wake up the next day and have a you know, have a really fulfilling day as opposed to you know, wiping yourself out for a week so you know, recovery getting on all that sort of stuff. Now, you know, I can go out and really enjoy the company I'm in any event that I'm at I really enjoy music really amazing music What do you have been two years so you're not clouded by stuff.
Emma Gilmour 29:14
And the other thing is food to like everyone gets an I used to be a real snob about like food and drink. And now I'm like well, if I'm eating and my taste buds I can actually taste the food. It's really nice to like makes food like 10 times more delicious as well because you can actually taste it you know you're not numb. If the mouse
Anthony Hammond 29:37
it's really embarrassing to say this and I hope I don't sound like a wink. I I've been very lucky when I've got eaten some of the best restaurants in the world. Yes, I can't remember. Yeah. I can't remember it because I because of the alcohol. Now, I'm able I'm able to remember I'm able to enjoy it. And I'm actually able to enjoy it because of the car. Neither one with us. That's one thing that I keep coming back to, for me, it really is that connection with other people. As opposed to look at me look at what I'm doing how unreal Am I, you know that the ego has been nullified to a point still got it, you know, as I said earlier, but checked out, through through just being happy with who I am. Because, you know, one of the main drivers for me was fear of everything, and being really unhappy with me. That are yes, and today, you know, today I can say that I am. And that I haven't been Thank you. And, you know, that's a really great gift for me of recovery and sobriety, it's a huge
Emma Gilmour 30:49
thing, because it's almost I every human, I speak to myself included, mine was I am unacceptable. That was my sort of core belief that I had, and most human beings seem to grow up be because of our world, our conditioning, whatever, with this with these beliefs, and then we spend the rest of our lives kind of living them out, if that makes sense, trying to, like, make ourselves acceptable, make ourselves lovable, make ourselves worthwhile. And, and yet, you know, and so, almost for me that the journey that you've been on the journey that I've been on, is it's that healing of that, you know, that incorrect belief that there is something intrinsically wrong or bad about us as human beings and finding out that, actually, that's not true, you know?
Anthony Hammond 31:40
Yeah. I think that's where those maladaptive behaviors come from. Yeah, you know, whether it be self validate self validation through sex, or drinking or drinking to an alcohol. You know, gambling, you know, buying shit you don't need, you know, getting your wants confused with your knee. You know, I need x, well, you don't really need it, you know, you need shelter, you need food, you need clean water, you need, you know, you need love and acceptance. You don't need a new car. So, you know, for me, it's been about accepting that, yeah, and that, and I'm actually a lot happier. In my, in my self, now. I can see what my needs are fulfilled. Absolutely. And I'm very lucky living in Australia. My needs are fulfilled as a human being. And I'll be honest with you, most of my wants are fulfilled. Yeah. Yeah. Most of my wants are fulfilled. You know, so, you know, I'm very lucky and so grateful, you know, I was lucky enough to find recovery and have had people around me. Yeah, as I've spoken about courageous, and very thoughtful. And in helping me.
Emma Gilmour 33:02
Yeah, when I'm just terrifically grateful that you are doing what you're doing. And you're just making such a lovely safe space for all of us to exist. With, you know, it with public, no booze for all of us to sort of, be it, especially for people who have not done it before. You know, take that step into a pub in a safe environment, have a bit of fun, have some nice food, meet some nice people get to try lots of different drinks. What a wonderful opportunity. So thank you, Anthony for for creating that wonderful environment for us. We I know I, for sure I'm gonna be there very excited to be there as well.
Anthony Hammond 33:43
Thank you very much.
Emma Gilmour 33:45
Worries. And as you were you tell people where they can get the tickets from Yeah,
Anthony Hammond 33:51
yeah. So if you go to our website, which is www. Nope, it's got to say www. WWE.
Emma Gilmour 33:58
I think it might be my age. I'm 50. And I do it every time and it was like, you don't need to do that.
Anthony Hammond 34:06
I'm not going to tell you
Anthony Hammond 34:09
the young crew.com.au and you can you can get them there. It's just on the homepage there. It's 50 bucks a ticket with a plus booking fee. And that's all you're tasting and food for the day. As I said we'll close coming to do that, you know, and, you know, you get a beverage of your choice on arrival. We'll also you know, we're not just stripping the booze out and stacking the fridges full of non alcoholic stuff for show. It's all for sale. So you know there'll be products from all the suppliers there that you can then sidle up to the bar and and relive some of your your old memories maybe while having a non alcoholic drink.
Emma Gilmour 34:53
You fearful and remembering what you did the next day.
Anthony Hammond 34:58
That is one of the One of God's great gifts. Now remember what I did
Emma Gilmour 35:06
I was lovely. It was lovely to talk to you. Thanks so much for coming on Anthony and I'll make this into a body. We'll pop it out next week and then we'll put all the links and everything in there as well. So
Anthony Hammond 35:17
thank you Gemma.
Emma Gilmour 35:19
Take care. Have a nice day. Yeah, you too
Emma Gilmour 35:30
thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of midlife AF with Mr. Gilmore. If you enjoyed it please share on Instagram for your friends and tagged me at Haute rising coaching. If you want to help me grow the podcast please review the episodes for me on Apple podcast that really helps. If you would like to work further with me please go to my website www Haute rising coaching.com for my free and paid programs or email me at Emma at Hope rising coaching.com sending a massive cuddle to you and yours for me and mine and remember to keep choosing you
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
