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Hello and welcome to this week's episode of midlife A S. This week, I'm going to be introducing you to you to you, my coach and mentor, or one of them, Amy Guerrero, from regulate with Amy. She takes a whole person perspective to working with human beings and she coaches people around all aspects of their life but she's an Somatic Experiencing practitioner, yoga teacher, potty fake or specialist. I think she's just enrolled in internal family systems as well. So she and I are very aligned and I've been doing some work with her over the last month or so. Just while I figure out the direction that I want to go with my business. And I just thought you guys would love her. She's brilliant. I highly recommend following her. Her Instagram is wonderful and her programs are terrific and her energy is wonderful. She does lots of great webinars as well. If you get the opportunity to attend any of them. I highly recommend it. She's a great human. All right over to me and Amy. If you're a woman in midlife, whose intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move. Then midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counselor psychotherapist this naked mind and gray area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting quirky teens, menopause relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else. If your intuition is waving her arms manically at you saying it could all be so much easier. We didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our groove without booze.
2:07
I lovingly acknowledge the Bruner and people of the Kulin nation as the custodians of current Baroque. I share my admiration for the Aboriginal culture, I witnessed the connection that they have for each other and the land and their community. As I swim in the waters and walk on the land, I feel the power of this place. I'm grateful for the Aboriginal peoples amazing custodianship, the power, beauty and the healing potential of this place. I wish to pay special respects to the elders of the Buena, wrong people. Their wisdom, guidance and support are exceptional, and felt well beyond the Aboriginal community. I honor that this is Aboriginal land, and that it has never been ceded. I am committed to listening to the Aboriginal community, and learning how I can be an active ally in their journey to justice. Thank you so much for agreeing to come and be on this Instagram Live, which I will be turning into a podcast as well. This is Amy
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my gosh, yeah, thank you for those kind words, too. I think, you know, I was actually with my Somatic Experiencing practitioner today. And having this like, deeply reverent moment to all of the different versions of me, that didn't know what they knew until they knew it. And, and just feeling that deep, like integrated ation of like, oh my gosh, like, feel, who, how I show up today. Feel how different to those from 30 and 20, and 15 and 10 and five, and still all of those, my body remembers all of those things that I've experienced. And so it's it's been a really reverent day today and quite sweet. So it's, it's nice to be with you today talking about regulation and living an alcohol free lifestyle and the energetics and, and the wisdom that we we all have within. I think that's such an important part and
4:36
Yeah, well,
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I I was saying before you came on how, after meeting you I would felt quite inspired because I find that you are living a lot of the
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ways that I'm learning
4:53
and working with humans in around our cars specifically. And I had was also saying that I was working, I had been doing a little bit of work with you. And it's been really lovely. And I've really enjoyed the experience of working with somebody
5:12
who
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works somatically and is never system based. And I also really enjoy working with you, because you're not that different in terms of age to me, which I find really nice in the space as well. But also, because you have a heap of experience, and you've been doing this for a long time. And I wondered if you would like to introduce yourself, because I'm sure he'll do a much better job than I will ever do. But I'd love to hear. And, yeah,
5:55
um, you know, it's interesting, because I first, I first started to understand, so y'all, I'm any good at all. But I'm going to start writing with my story, because I think that that's more interesting than all of the things that I do and what I call myself, I would rather relate to you than tell you my credentials. You know, I just, I know, like, I know that from a very young age, I could feel everything in my body. And trying to have words to explain it when you're in a family system that doesn't feel as much that isn't as a tune and in touch with the physical sensations that they're feeling in their body can be quite confusing. And so, so everything that I talked about my stomach hurts, this is happening, it was all treated as if it was some kind of Western medicine biology thing. And I'm like, No, it's something bigger than that. There's something going on here. And so I think that I went so much of my life. feeling misunderstood, is the bottom line. And I started using alcohol when I was about 11, or 12. And, and definitely used it my entire life in some form to soothe my energy and my body to suit the discomfort. And I leaned into it more and more as life went on. But I was also quite successful, and you know, an entrepreneur and doing all my things and just just being being mean.
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I first found
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somatic experiencing and like that the the idea that trauma lives in the body in 1999. And a light bulb went off, off, but I followed it through the yogic path at first. And then sort of Louise Hay House and, like started, like really leaning in that way. So round 99 I started that path. And on that path, I still kept on using drugs and alcohol because they were the easier faster way. Right? Yeah. And by 37, I was chemically dependent on alcohol. Right? Just the timeline. And you know, choosing an alcohol free lifestyle is one thing, but being chemically dependent on alcohol is a totally different thing, because my body actually needed it in the morning to wake up and function. Like I couldn't go to work without taking a shot. I couldn't, you know, I was in it. And so I spent about two years stumbling around in the the treatment, World of alcohol and substance misuse. And I had all my ideas already about the nervous system. I had, I was already studying attachment theory, I was already taught studying polyvagal I was already in all of this work. And the way that the treatment models were set up, they really wanted to talk to my head to change my body. And I knew that my body needed to be taught to to change my whole entire way of life. So I stayed, stopped drinking cane. And while I was in treatment, I started writing my recruitment methodologies to really bring the body based approach to the whole self. My the first iteration of my business was called my whole recovery. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And it was very much based in really helping the whole organism and environment of, of someone to move through life in this more conscious way. And choosing more than just abstinence, but also like real consciousness with their body. And, you know, like my, although I use so much alcohol I was still very attuned to my body. The alcohol was just a numbing agent that I felt like I needed to connect with before I could connect with the world. because my system was too sensitive, and it wasn't robust, it didn't, I didn't have flexibility in my nervous system. I was very rigid. And I've been doing that ever since.
10:11
Yeah, that sounds so interesting when you're saying that because, first of all, I'm like, oh my god, I mean, you've been studying this for so long. And I've only been studying this for like, four years or something like that. And I'm just like, I was still like, starting to be a corporate little bunny, when you're talking about, like, chicks. She knows her shit, right? First of all, and that just delights me. Because it feels like it's, it's nice to speak to somebody in our space that works in this way. It really is. And it's interesting when you're talking about your nervous system, and how your nervous system is, was was extremely sensitive, and you could, you know, feel everything. And it was very, uh, you know, it's very susceptible to the environment and everything else. And it's interesting for me as a mom, because both my kids are quite like that. And my nervous system is still in, I'm still working it through is much more the opposite. Yeah. Now, whether or not that is a, and I'm still working on this, whether or not that's a coping mechanism that my body's gone into. Or whether it's that I'm at the opposite end of the scale, and I'm almost learning to fit. I don't know. Yeah. But I talked to a lot of women, and they generally one end or the other. What
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I mean, and it's such a great, you know, regrouping is like, you are, you're in this inquiry with yourself. And the truth is you, you do know what it is in there. And it's unwinding with guidance, like, oh, wow, my children are really sensitive, and I'm not. Is that? How I'm designed? What exactly? Yeah, like, can I get curious there, instead of judging instead of making it wrong instead of pathologizing it instead of, you know, making it, making it the thing it's like, and I think that that's what's so interesting about any kind of change that we're making. Our first sense is to pathologize. And I'm like, well, Emma, you have a pattern that you created. And you're really, really noticing it. And you have these beautiful humans that you created in your body that are reflecting something to you. And we have this huge opportunity to get curious about it, rather than judge it. And I think that there's so much undoing in our system, when we choose this, because our first line of protection and defense is to begin to judge instead of get curious. Totally,
13:10
totally, totally. And what was your next?
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Where did you What was your? What's your next kind of iteration? How else have you been since you because your story is very interesting. Oh, well,
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I mean,
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it was soft and slow. Well, it was soft and slow at first, right? Like I I got while I lived in sober living I, I started my practice, my practice was a one on one practice in Southern California, where I went into people's homes. And I gave them the whole body experience and worked with them for months at a time, and really went through the recruitment methodologies with them. And then I was tired of driving around. And so I started my business online. And this was pre COVID. During that time, I think something's really important to say about my personal development is that, you know, I am very conscious that I want to practice what I teach in all areas of my life. And so I really went deeply inward during those first years, and I was $200,000 in debt. Because I had been paid for so many treatment centers, I was freshly out of a relationship at the end of 2017, totally heartbroken, had never grieved without alcohol before. So I was on the floor that I was like so determined to change the way that people to give a different option to people about how they could recover or how they could live an alcohol free or substance free lifestyle. And I knew it started with the body. I knew it started with the nervous system. So I chose celibacy for four years. I went on this inward path I learned the energetics of my body of my womb of my pussy of like how I met my business. How I Met love in every single area of my life, like, I'm very much like, I need to live the work before I can teach the work. And that's just a way that I operate, which I think is just, for me, it's the only way. Because if I'm off my mat, and then I'm giving a suggestion to someone, I'm like, How can I give that to them? If I'm not practicing it myself? It doesn't feel integral is that word? So yeah, I mean, my, what I noticed is, I was attracting so many people just like me, like professionals that were choosing an alcohol free lifestyle, that had a big vision that wanted to do things. And so my, my business really quickly turned into helping people start their businesses, helping people scale their businesses, helping people in their relationships. So within a year, I started working with the whole family system. So I do a couple of plus the children, plus we're working on one of their businesses. And I was like, this is a whole lifestyle, transformation. And then it evolved into doing that same working groups. And then it keeps evolving, like, the more that we're all going to evolve, right, like, that's part of the human experience. And in 2020, I was working for a big name, coach in Instagram world that I had actually studied with for a while as well, I had a great experience studying with him. But when I worked for him, he didn't pay me. So he still owes me over $15,000. And that interruption, and that lived experience really had me stand up and say what the fuck is going on, in this world with integrity. And so when that happened, I took about a year to really let my business dissolve, and see any places where I was out of integrity. And then this next iteration of everything that I've been putting together, I realized that like, I have to, and all of my affairs lead with love. Yeah, like it has to come in service to love and love to me as God and the the oneness of us all. I mean, it, it's the thing. And so, it's really interesting, because there's so many people in my spaces that choose an alcohol free substance free life, and have these big visions in the world, and want to be in integrity and all of their places. And so it's just this natural next place to go on the path with my business.
17:48
Yeah, makes total sense. And I love that you talk about it as being, you know, the family system, the relationships, the and I know, when you and I have been talking, it's been I love that because very much, much I find often in the space of alcohol, it's people often are like, it's a thing in isolation, like, I'll deal with the alcohol, and then everything else will be okay. Or I don't want to deal with the alcohol because I'm worried that everything else won't be okay. And then I'll have to deal with everything else, which is the reason why I'm drinking in the first place. And
18:34
what I love about your work, and for me, as a coach, coming to you,
18:41
I love that you are like
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it's, it's not good if I'm coming to you as a business coach, everything else part of this right.
18:54
And I love that. Yeah.
18:59
Can I say why that's so important to me? Yes, please,
19:01
I'd love you to Yeah. And
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what I really what I know about trauma for me, and my experience and my body is that every time I experienced some kind of interruption in my flow, right, anytime I was there was emotional trauma, anytime there was physical trauma, parts of me fragmented. And, and choosing consciousness, choosing sobriety, choosing abstinence from alcohol and substance was a real call for me that like, these fragments had to come together. And I had been working with a spiritual healer. And I still work with since 2006 or so, around that time. So it's been like 16 years. And we were really working on bringing the fragments together. I was very aware that I had fragmented but my nervous system couldn't Hold the work that we were doing. So I was up in the clouds with the spiritual energetics, which was very easy for me to tune into. But my body couldn't physically hold it. And so the reason that I'm like nothing can get left out because Emma doesn't go to work, and take a part of a fragmented part of her to work, and then come home and only show up with a part of you for one kid, and then the other kid, like, that's not wholeness, that doesn't feel actually even good in the body. So when we're looking at our business practices, and our relationship has ruptures in it, or our finances have ruptures in it, then it's like, well, we've kind of look at all of that, so that we can come home to our business, and listen, everybody doesn't want to do that. And that's totally okay. It's just, I'm unwilling to not do that. Because fragmentation will eventually lead me into old behaviors and old grooves. And I will not live on the new groove that I've created for my life. And I'll feel yucky inside.
21:09
Yeah, yeah.
21:10
It's that out of integrity thing, isn't it? I think it's like, being into to grated, you know,
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that whole idea of like we've got when we're not, when things aren't, aren't in flow, when
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things aren't working, when we're in friction? It.
21:34
It just steps everything thing. It does. It does. And I think it's taught to us in the coding of the world, to just leave that at home. But it's, it's impossible to leave a part of you at home, right, your nervous system is always there. And it's always neuro cepting, exactly what's happening in the world. So, you know, they're like, Oh, well leave that at home, I get it, like, Don't dump it on everyone don't spill out on everyone. But it's happening. And it's valid. And it matters.
22:11
It's very interesting, because I was talking to a client yesterday, and we were talking about out
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you know, what happens when I bring my whole self to, to the
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work environment,
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if I'm in corporate work, and I was,
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for me, it, it feels like, I would want to be doing something that would be something I would want to be doing, because I feel that if I can bring my whole self, and I'm not, not.
22:49
In suppression of self, I'm going to be bringing my kind of thinking brain to the place, regardless
23:07
of what kind of workplace environment it is,
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it's going to be I'm going to be energetically more able to communicate in a way that's helpful, then, if I come with my,
23:37
my very strong armor or my protection or my return protection mechanisms, not to say that it isn't useful to have those circumstances for sure. Yeah, but I think people are afraid that sometimes that if you bring your whole set off, it's like, almost if I, if I speak to lots of the women that I speak to, it's like, there's almost like, we've been keeping all this shit down for so long, if we let a little bit of it out. But the flux, like you know, it's that kind of, Will I ever be able to turn it back off again?
24:20
Will it
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kill and you know, and I thought that I was gonna KP thank you for that. Because it's really it's true. Yes. Right. Like all of you. He was not welcome there. Yes. Right. But how do you know that it's all in there and hold that truth inside of you. Right throughout the day of like, consciously been like, this is like, I don't agree with this. Right. And thank you, this is my job, right? And then when We get to that point, we can choose to make a decision if we want to stay there or not. But, you know, in the workplace, they want to shut us down. So I love it, she's like, I can assure you that there's zero chance on my mom, my whole thought work. But it's like, it's, it's less of like, spilling out everywhere and being your whole self. But it's more of less like knowing that and then consciously putting it away, but knowing that you're not putting it away, or stuffing it down forever. And they think that for me, for sure, well, I was, I was unmanageable. So it was often where when I worked in the corporate world, they'd be like, we're gonna hire you as a contractor. And I'm like, I'm a liability on age from an HR perspective. But I'm great at a 1099. In the US, he called him as a contractor. And so I got I would get hired as a consultant. The whole turns off a lot. Yeah. Well, and, and that's the thing of like, can we really hold that when it does, and be undefendable? Right. In that, like, I get to be this way. And I think that one of the big things that I teach is like learning to become undefendable. Without clothing, right? Yes, it without the armor. It's really, it's an art. It's a practice. It's, you know, all of these things. But it's important.
26:32
It is and I, I reflecting back and what you're saying as well about work. When I was working in corporate, I, and I know, this is one of my patterns, and we've talked about this, but I would get very defensive as well, you know, it's funny that I was like, because I'd be like, protecting my team or protecting this thing, or that thing or feeling so passionate about my work, and just being so into it. But it never came off. Well. Like it never, ever, I never. And I've spoken to so many women about this. It's like, when I do stand up for myself when I do, I don't do it with gravitas. I do it like I'm out of control. Because I haven't learned how to, to, to be there and stand in my integrity, and not feel like I have to defend everything and feel like you did some of these people don't deserve the whole of me 100%? Of course they don't. But that doesn't mean that I have to
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lose.
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Lose Myself. Yeah, in my interactions. You know, it's that kind of like standing in. And I never had that in corporate. I never people used to always say it's anyone I've got older people were like, oh, yeah, you have gravitas. Now. But that was more to do with how I looked at it as it will feel like if I was in a meeting, it would often be because my breath would go and I'd suddenly be like, you know, or because I didn't know any of the stuff that I know now. But that to me is all LinkedIn to its alcohol, and everything. And that's why when people are like, I just want to I just can you not just give me the can you just tell me how to like cruise the craving? And I'm like, Ah, not for me. I'm not your person. It's
28:31
not about that. Yeah.
28:33
Well, because the craving is. So many, many of the things that have already happened, and the nervous system is going to respond to the neuroception. Just the like, it's not a conscious decision. It's not a conscious thing of like, oh McHale is here, of like that, when one of my students is here and in the corporate world is so triggering, but I'm just going to give her as an example, right? Like something date feels dangerous in her body, but she's just going around working, she doesn't even know all of a sudden she's like, Oh my god, I'm so uncomfortable. I'm so uncomfortable. And it's having a remembrance of something from long ago. And people don't realize that but at 7pm They're popping open a bottle of wine, and it has nothing to do with a quote unquote craving. It's trying to soothe and really an incomplete what I call an incomplete nervous system response from the neuroception of the danger from quite earlier in the day. And so it's it's never like we're not usually picking up marijuana, alcohol and substance sugar, porn, all of the different types of ways that we sue their self, which there's nothing wrong with any of them. Because we were craving we're actually soon we're picking it up to suit something that we're not conscious of yet. And that's why your work is so beautiful as well of just like getting to that root is so important. And I was unwilling to work any other way with people when I cuz I just focus on substance for about two years of my, of my practice. And I was just like, No, I don't even want to talk about alcohol. Yeah. It's
30:09
kind of irrelevant to a certain extent. It's like, it could be anything. It's like we've all got coping mechanisms, right. Yeah. Some of them are acceptable, and others are no, yeah.
30:18
And
30:20
I just wanted to say something about the corporate world as well of just like that feeling of I didn't know how to hold myself there, and then deliver that information. And, you know, specifically with women, and I'm very passionate about this. And for the men out there that I teach and lead, like, Thank you for being a stand for us women being in our bodies, and being able to express ourselves and giving us space and not taking power over us, I honor you men that are out there doing that, thank you. And there's not a lot of from other women. And for men, often, there's the, they're like, that's a crazy bitch. And instead of holding the space of like, let her catch her breath, because she does have something very important to say. But we aren't taught to hold in the capacity of learning how to bring the energy down, and to be conscious of where you're talking from, and learning the art of asking great questions. And holding that and being passionate, because our energy is needed, but doing it in a way that people can understand us. Right, and then having our total tantrums in our fucking chaos. Right? And, and, like, in the spaces where that's fucking welcomed, because it's so important, right, but we don't want to always go out at work. And it's, it's, it's an art, and it's a practice, and it's a way of life. Yeah.
31:55
100%. And Amy, Lee, I
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know,
32:00
I mean, I saw, one have found being recipient of your
32:11
wisdom, incredibly useful to me, when I've been have been, which I have most of the people who follow me know, a little bit of a wobble at the moment around what I'm doing and where I'm going. And that's fine, too.
32:30
But I found it very, very useful. And, and I wondered if you could talk a little bit more about how you work with humans.
32:39
Yeah, who are in business and what type of people you work with, and
32:48
you know, what you're
32:50
different because I know you've got a few different things that you do, and programs that you have, I wonder if you could talk about that,
32:58
you know, just to sum it up, is that there's a path, I really, truly believe and that there needs to be a rooted Foundation, in our systems for our whole selves. So the pop up and working with me is you, if you're just learning regulation, and you just want to taste it, you go into school, and it's all pre recorded programs, and you get one call with me a month, if you're ready to start taking the roots out and cultivating a new level of trust within yourself, if you're ready to start cultivating that, like whole body experience of like, I didn't even know I had a body. Oh, like you know, or I know I have a body but I still have these processes where I just check out and I don't realize it for months or weeks or days. And I want to get to know this. Then routes is that foundational course that everyone has to be on. I'm in it, I practice what I teach there, you know, my students are like I'm on your mat, I'm on the mat right beside you. And that is something that is always ongoing like these, this path is just an ongoing path. And then lead with love is the next part of the path and lead with love is someone who is ready to step into real conscious relationships, is ready to step into a level of leadership that is in integrity and is ready to birth, this new iteration of their relationship, this new iteration of their business or their leadership, or a book or an idea or an art, like whatever it is that you're like I want something I'm meant to bring something to the world. lead with love is for you and roots and everything is included in that because it's important and leave it love is going to be a 12 month experience where we literally take three months to cultivate and cook the idea together. And it'll be very much like a collaborative inner circle mastermind, where we're working together and I'm holding the container have not yet flow down, are you sure it's ready. And then after those three months, and everyone will be working at their own pace, but then during month four, or five, and six, then we're actually starting to build and create, and bring that to life and bring your unique medicine, gifts, all of the things that you've learned until now, bring it uniquely through your system, to cultivate your core ideas, like what feels really true for you, and then teach you how to hold that. Right, and that will be month six, and seven. And then as we get into eight, nine and 10, then we'll start to actually offer that and practice and, and bring your your new iteration to the world and have students practicing with you. And then you'll have a whole new program or a whole new relationship, if people are working on their relationships, will do the same thing with a relationship. So it's, I'm very excited about it, I think it's something that's really missing in the space of there's a lot of systems, there's a lot of do this, do that and then make six figure months. And while there does everything needs a masculine structure to live in a container to live in. Without all of these things that I've had the lived experience of, of really practicing for myself, that's how these ideas get birthed and feel and integrity and love. The
36:48
beautiful and it's so interesting, you were saying it, you know, that's the sort of systems and the kind of masculine kind of pushing energy versus this sort of different vibe
36:58
that I feel when I'm working with you.
37:07
That feels more integrated for me.
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And more authentic for my nervous system.
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And less, because, you know, I don't, and I'm most of the humans that I work with I you know, we are very
37:28
busy people, and there's so much push, and there's so much pressure and people,
37:41
just when I'm talking to humans, particularly post COVID.
37:49
Pupils are just burnt
37:51
out by a lot of this way of working. And certainly once you're in your mid 40s, it feels like it is a different stage of life. And it's not for me, it's not the same. Because I have a different, you know, my body is different than how it was, in my nervous systems are different, and my hormones are different, and everything's different. And my responsibilities are different, my family's different, you know, it's a different place. And I the idea of getting into that masculine energy again, it's like no offense to that, you know, there's always good to have some of that masculine energy, but it seems to be prevalent in the online space, that it's this kind of grind and hustle. And, you know,
38:44
and I think it gets, it gets
38:50
it actually, as a consumer, it gets kind of boring to watch.
38:57
Yeah, it gets boring, and that but then there's also a hook in it, right? Where it's like, oh, maybe I should do that. Maybe I should, you know, override my body again, maybe I should, you know, not, you know, spend as much time with my kids, or maybe I should rest completely and never do anything at all. And, you know, I feel like there's such a, we get to play with your system to find that just right spot. And I don't leave anything out, you know, I have for lead with love and everything. There's a men's group that we separate men and women erect and open, where we get to talk about hormones and in our blood and where the men get to talk about Cialis and all of the things that come with, you know, the their, their sex organs, and their way of being where they're opening up their hearts and learning how to be erect. And the women are learning to be more receptive and open for their partners in a truly authentic way. And so you just can't leave it Any of that out food nutrition and microbiome, like, you know, all of that is what I teach because it all matters and especially to a busy person, there's so much information out there that it can get quite overwhelming, which will cause a freeze in the nervous system, and then an inability to make any decision. And because I'm gifted with the one line where I just know a lot about a lot, I'm like, well, just ask me the questions. I'm pretty sure I could probably answer them. And if not, I'll refer you out.
40:35
Yeah, that's beautiful. Thank
40:36
you, Amy. I was just saying hi, Tegan. Good to see my friends. It's been an absolute joy. As always to get your energy and everything that you bring, which I really do love. I am such a big fan of Amy's. She's amazing. I'm planning to be part of her liquid love program, and I would recommend my experience with me so far has been incredible.
41:03
So thank you. Thank you. So lovely.
41:06
Enjoy the rest of your day. You too. Take care. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of midlife AF with Emma Gilmore. If you enjoyed it, please share on Instagram for your friends and tag me at home rising coaching. If you want to help me grow the podcast please review the episodes for me on Apple podcast that really helps. If you would like to work further with me please go to my website www Haute rising coaching.com for my free and paid programs or email me at Emma at Hope rising coaching.com sending a massive cuddle to you and yours for me and mine and remember to keep choosing you
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
