Hello and welcome to this week's episode of midlife A F. This week we're going to talk to the wonderful Aunt Kate Lane Turner. Now Kate is a autistic parent of an autistic child and she has written a wonderful book about you know what to do when you find your child is autistic. Absolutely wonderful resource. I love it over to myself and Kate. Oh, and just Casey is also an alcohol free human being. So we talked a little bit about neurodiversity and being alcohol free as well. I hope you enjoyed the episode.
If you're a woman in midlife has intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move. There. Midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counselor psychotherapist this naked mind and gray area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting quirky teens, menopause relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else. If your intuition is waving her arms manically at you saying it could all be so much easier. We didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our groove without booze.
I lovingly acknowledged the Bruner and people of the Kulin nation as the custodians of current Baroque. I share my admiration for the Aboriginal culture I witnessed the connection that they have for each other than the land and their community. As I swim in the waters and walk on the land, I feel the power of this place. I'm grateful for the Aboriginal peoples amazing custodianship, the power, beauty and the healing potential of this place. I wish to pay special respects to the elders of the Buena, wrong people. Their wisdom, guidance and support are exceptional, and felt well beyond the Aboriginal community. I honor that this is Aboriginal land, and that it has never been ceded. I am committed to listening to the Aboriginal community, and learning how I can be an active ally in their journey to justice. Ah, hello, welcome anybody who's joining us. Hi, Dee. Nice to see. Hi, Natalie, nice to see you. This is the lovely cake cake I have literally just met was very excited. And I brought Katie, I want cases come talk to our beautiful audience today. And we're gonna make this into a podcast as well. And we wanted to talk because Kate is written a book called Where do I start, which is an amazing book. And we'll I'll get Kate to tell you just a bit more about it in a second and really properly introduce herself. But I've been so lucky this week, I've managed to have some amazing authors come in and talk to our grip. The focus isn't good. It's not on the book. It's on my face. But the books called Word Art and it's fine. I have one and Kate is also like myself an autistic ADHD human being with an autistic ADHD child as well. Yeah. All
the fun all the time.
And I'm assuming Kate that you discovered your autism later in life like myself? I did?
Yeah, about 12 years ago now. So in my early 40s, I realized I was autistic which was a complete life change.
Yes, yes. Well, would you be kind enough to introduce yourself to our beautiful group and tell us about your experiences and your book and anything else that you think my audience would like to to know? My audience are generally a bunch of middle aged, wonderful human beings. female assigned at birth to people and high proportion of neuro divergence. And just generally a lovely, lovely crew. So there are quite a lot of mums of neurodivergent kids as well in our group so great.
So I'm Caitlin toner, and I go into my daughter's field. I'm an award winning autistic autism parents support specialist. So my daughter is now 14 And she was diagnosed autistic when she was two. And like, like, I'm sad, like most parents would you didn't say that. But I realized later in life that I was autistic because my daughter was autistic and and when she was diagnosed, I realized that I Eat, you know that a lot of those tweets fitted me and although my daughter is very different to me, I could see see it in myself. So that sort of like set off a whole, you know, Discovery part of my life. But around the same time, I also started a charity for parents of autistic children, because I realized, we all knew something that it had it didn't know, I know, something me doesn't know, I mean, nursing, I don't know, every parent knows something that parents don't know whether that's about funding or support or what the parking is like it whatever place. And I would thought, you know, realize if we weren't talking to each other than we were just holding on to that information. So I set up a charity, and ran that for 10 years. And through that work, I did a lot of training. And I realized that the training I was delivering, I was talking about things that no one else was talking about, I was talking about, like, you know, what it what it feels like, on a really emotional level, to be a parent of a neurodivergent child, which isn't, you know, we can talk about theory that you know, about behavior, you know, about anxiety, communication, stimming, and all that sort of stuff. But, and, and it's great, we need to talk about those things. But we also really need to talk about the emotional impact on us. And there's a real fear of talking about that, because it's like, oh, we're complaining about our children. And we're not at all we're, we're really, when I say about it is autism is here, and the mucky stuff that comes with autism is here, these are not the same thing. They are completely different. So we have to separate the in our mind. So when we're being upset, we're not being upset about autism or our child, we're being upset about the system, wherever we live, it doesn't matter. It's messed up everywhere. It doesn't matter what, what country you're in. So go ahead, no, totally clear is it the emotions of of raising an autistic child, the emotions that we have, as parents are universal, they're completely universally the same. Whether you're in Japan, or Australia or UK, US wherever, it doesn't matter. So off the back of that I, I wrote a book, because I realized, as I said, it during my training, I realized I was just talking about things that I didn't see anyone else talking about, I really felt that needed a wider audience. So it was important to write a book. So I wrote this book, where do I start as navigate the emotional journey of autism parenting? And it does what it says on the tin. It talks about, you know, what do we feel, you know, what do we feel when we first start, when that's top penny stocks, those ideas start really sinking in that our child is or maybe autistic, you know, society, again, media, and again, it doesn't matter what country you live in, says that autism is a terrible, awful thing, that we must not have it on our watch, we must eradicate it by any means necessary. Which isn't true. You know, again, there's there are a lot of sensationalized views about autism and neuro divergence, and diversity, that just simply aren't true. You know, we find in our lives, or you know, in our daily lives is just isn't isn't the way it is. So, it's very important for parents to understand, they're going to feel like that, why they're going to feel like that how to kind of deal with those emotions and work out again, autism in the murky stuff, definitely different things. So the most important thing, you know, people say what's the most you know, what's the advice that you give to a parent of an autistic child, and people always surprised, I'm not going to say, well, you need to do this, this, this, this isn't therapy is an early intervention. If you do all this is none of that self care. You need to look after yourself. That is the most crucial, crucial, crucial thing is to look after yourself. Because any parent, I mean, parenting, I always say parenting will break you. Parenting, I'll just, I'll just break into small pieces. Just there's more, there's more pieces, but you take those pieces over time and you and you make a better version of yourself. I am a 5,000,000% better person, better version of Caitlyn toner than I was 12 years ago by I mean, I can't even tell you. I mean, it wouldn't be here, you know, I wouldn't be talking to you. You know, if I didn't have an autistic child, I would never read a book or not. I've won awards, huge big award and got letters after my everything and because I have an autistic child and it changed my life, for the better in immeasurable ways. But just coming back to my point, self care, we can we can lose ourselves. As parents, we can lose ourselves and our children whether your child is autistic or not, we can just lose ourselves in their activities and what they need and whatever's going on with them. And, but we can also lose ourselves in our jobs, we can lose ourselves in our partners, we can lose ourselves in all the things that are outside of us. But we really the end of the day, we have to come back to us and we have to look after after ourselves and we have to take care of ourselves. And as we am and I've said it many of us on our journey. You know, we've got no divergent children, however, whatever. Let's just say you've got ADHD or ASD, ASD or you whatever. What do you call it autism.
And we realize, you know, that's us as well. And we kind of have to find our own way. And I think those of us who realized later in life that were autistic, I know for myself, probably 4142 and 53. Now, I realized I was autistic. And it was like, I didn't know who I was. I just woke up one day and like, Who is this person? I looked back on my life and felt like I just like woven this path of destruction through like every relationship, every job I'd ever had. And I was really scared. It was a really scary time within a few years of having to figure out what what am i because I've masked my entire life, I've been taught to mask very, very early on very young in pre age, sort of three, I was taught that Ms. K wasn't good, I was bad in that. My, my core self was bad. And I needed to pretend to be someone else who did forever. And I finally realized sort of 42 as I say, 41 pointed to that I was autistic and could stop doing that. And kind of like, Ah, I can stop carrying this heavy you know, it was not like a little mask. It was like a heavy metal, you know, still sort of heavy thing. So my journey and I recommend this to everyone and I talk about this a lot and I talk about it not just with autistic individuals, but for children who are autistic are so so important. Work out what you like, what what are so simple. What are your favorite things? Start with your centers. What are your favorite things to look at? I've got three fairy lights just next to me. I stare at them all day. i My home is full of glitter and lava lamps and lighting stuff. LED can't have enough LED Color Changing lights. There's just not enough in the world. So that's my thing. Fortunate. It's my daughter's thing as well. We're both very visually stimming people. You know what? What do you love to look at? So do you like stained glass? Do you like to look at churches? Do you like to go to castles? What what do you what are your favorite foods? Eat those foods. You know, if you want to eat trashy children's cereal, eat the bloody trash can show children cereal just not every day. But you know, allow yourself to enjoy those things. You know what, what's your favorite music, make a Spotify playlist or wherever you use music, you know, make a playlist of those songs like for me it's like all the shots of punk rock I listen to when I was 16. And that's my go to playlist if I'm if I'm not feeling myself, I need to get in that zone and sing in the car belt out that yeah, yes. And whatever, you know, and do and do that. You know who your favorite people? Who aren't your favorite people as well. You know, who do you want to spend time with? Where you hopeless to go? All these kinds of things, you know, what are your favorite textures when your favorite clothes, because we get to a point where, again, we're so lost in our kids and our partner job, whatever, we just lose those things. And unless we're actively looking at, like, what are my favorite things. And it's again, it sounds simple. But you know, it's like in the UK, they say in the UK, you're never more than 60 miles from the ocean. If you love the sea, go to the sea. You need to actively plan to do that. And of course, everyone's life is different. I have a single mom, I do have time with my daughter when she's with her dad. Other people have four children, they have zero time, but I think it's fine ways to carve those things out again, you can still hit the trash you kids cereal, and you have four children and a partner, it could still do that you can find a way to go to see you can buy the lemon essential oil, if that's your favorite scent, you know, and again, you know, self care, it like self care and gratitude and new things. We kind of they kind of gloss over accept a while because we're all talking about self care. We also have gratitude, you have to be thankful, you know, at any do need to do these things. So I think it's kind of like cutting through the layers of it's not about Well, I mean sometimes it's about having a bubble bath and finding lipstick but But it's more than that. It's like what feeds your core soul? What feeds your soul, those are the things you absolutely must do for myself. I look at these things and they change over time like you might discover a new set like I discovered palo santo that's like the most incredible essential oils very rare and you shouldn't buy it because endangered species but just as an example you know over time you you find like nag Champa incense for me is like my favorite. So you know finding like what those things are making sure you incorporate those into your life. And they change over time. And you might go through a phase where you absolutely love. I don't know Greek olives or whatever and then you decide you don't like this anymore or whatever. Just for example, I had thought when I first was doing this kind of work. I thought I had a real sweet tooth. So that was my thing was sweet tooth person. But when I did this work, I realized, no, I really love lemon and olives and dark chocolate and red wine anymore, and I drink but you know the time like, there's sharper flavors. Similarly, I thought my ideal home would be like a cluttery country cottage kind of place. But actually, my ideal home is like a steel and glass box, there's nothing in it, you know, minimalist. So it's just very important because we can get caught up in thinking we know what we want. And we don't. So I sort of look at it as saying to me, before we met here is radical self care. And that means we do it, you know, like, actively pursue the self care, we don't just say, oh, self care, and again, bubble baths, and a new eye cream or whatever. It's like really doing it. So like for myself, I actually actively plan myself care. I think I know I'm gonna have this time. So for example, this week, and I am again, I'm very lucky, lucky, I do have time to myself, I have a weekend to myself, because my daughter's was a dad, I'm going to say seaside on Saturday, I'm going to go to an art gallery, because looking at art is vitally important to me, and I have to do it, I'm going to go, I'm going to have a seat meet up with a friend for a walk, I'm going to put a very spicy African stew in my slow cooker Sunday morning, I plan these things out. Because what I find is if I don't plan, I don't do it. And then and then that time passes by and it gets to a point and I'm here. Now because I've been last week I had flu, I couldn't go anywhere. I haven't like stimulated these sensors and a few weeks because I've not been well at all. But I'm feeling that now could feel like today feel loved and lovely to be here. But I do myself woke up feeling like Oh, I'm a bit low. But sad recently went to break up with us like a lot of stuff going on with that. And I think I just had to get to this weekend when I can have my self care time. And that's what I've just said is really important. Because it's also not about, oh, we have to wait to the holiday, you know, there's a month away it and we do need to incorporate these things in our everyday. So it's not as I've just said a week for the weekend. But there's like the biggest thing that I can go to the scene in the museum, but I do have my fairy lights on, I do have my grocery things I do have my, my incense and my sense I like so it's not, you know, planning when you do have like a chunk of time to give to sell, but also incorporating listings in every single day. So again, if you like glittery things, by just little glittery things, I've just got this everywhere, all over the place. Because I love that, you know, and these, these things are really important. And if you do have other people in your life, it is, you know, you might need to negotiate. But you know, your partner might not want glitter everywhere. But if you can just have in little doses, you know that it was a compromise. You know what I mean? It's just really these things. It's just really important.
I just want to say, it's so fascinating having this conversation with you. And having had conversations recently with other human beings on completely different subjects. So we've been talking about alcohol we've been talking about and such. And it's, and the strategies for life are the same. Yes, yeah. For life, because with alcohol when we I was saying to Kate before, it's like a type of masking as well, because it's a way to half the time. It's an identity that we can put Yeah. And it'd be masking since we were very small to fit in is a great identity to put on because it's part of a big club, and everybody knows the rule. Yeah. But it often you asked middle aged women, what they like to do for fun. And for me when I was drinking, I was I would have been well, I don't really do that I have I work which I loved. I loved my work. And I like to drink. Those are my things. Yeah. And so the thing I like is
that is as you know, we were talking before the live drinking. It feels pinking feels like self care when you're drinking. Drinking feels like self care. It feels like I'm gonna have a drink, oh, I've had this rubbish week, I've had this rubbish day. I'm just going to and again, as we were saying, you know, when we're parents of, of neurodiverse children, there's paperwork, there's appointments as stretchy things that you have to do anything, I just get through this form, then I'll have a glass of wine or just tonight to booze o'clock, wherever. The trouble with that is that you can have drinking, and you can have self care. I personally don't think there's two things that are very in my head. They're very mutually exclusive. Same here because if I were to have a drink, I wouldn't then sit and draw with my paint markers and have like a creative time with myself. I might do some journaling but it wouldn't be as productive as it would have been if I hadn't had a drink. I can't drive anywhere because we've had a drink. You know, I just like everything's sort of dulled. But I do think you know when we are drinking is a habit week. No matter how we do get in that idea, that mindset, this is my self care, this is my self care, I'm gonna have, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna buy this wine I really like and, you know, and even if you have a wine you really like, you know, a wine glass and who cares what it is, you know, is, is you're not really tasting it anymore anyway. So it's just really important to, to really, if you are still drinking, you know, there's no judgement about that, because we, you know, I was until very recently drinking, you know, we do think, Oh, this is my calm downtime, I'm gonna have a bath, we're gonna have this glass of wine, or whatever, however much you were to drink. I just personally, I, you know, and then I was thinking about this yesterday, and I'm planning this big weekend, I thought I couldn't drink in that weekend, I have like a jam pack, the time I have away from my daughter, I can't do all of it and drink. It just I would be I would be missing out on quite a lot of life if I were to be
drinking. It's true. It's true. And I think I don't know what I'd be interested to hear from UK because for me, the biggest pain is that I think the self care piece is absolutely fundamental in creating a life that allows you to manage the intensity of life. Absolutely. I completely 100% agree with you there. Yeah. And then the other thing for me is where he was, especially with the kids, because we were quite recent. So we all got diagnosed sort of last year, and the year before that sort of big, like, tornado of Yeah, wow. And I think puberty and under kids not being able to mask any longer really hit with CO yours.
Yeah. And
the thing that I found when I first found out about the kids didn't understand it at all. And initially, we were like, we were making all these sort of judgments on ourselves and our family, and how we couldn't do things that other people could do. And we get so frustrated. Not only Belgium, but with ourselves as well. And just being like, what's wrong with us? Why can't Why does everyone else make this bookstore? Yeah, yeah, yeah, completely. I just think for me, it's been a lot of that has been, like you say, radical self care. And there's also this sort of radical. I'm letting go of Yeah,
totally. And that and at first, it feels scary to let go. And it feels like you're losing something. And then you realize, once you gain by that, it's that's really important to do. You think I don't have to do this anymore. For like, a really good example of that is, I used to do like group things. In, in my work in charity, I was doing to work. It was different, but I mean, like social group things I used to do. So she could have things. And it just wasn't me. And I hated him the struggle for me, if I'm in a group of men, or women or whoever it is, I can't hear properly. audio processing issue. Yes. So so I can only hear the person next to me. So that means I have to cling to a very tightly to that person, whether they want me to or not, you know, because I can't hear anyone else. So a few years ago, I finally just stopped doing that. And I just don't and I just, you know, if people invite me to group by just, you know, politely decline or even will say, you know, I'm really sorry, just don't, don't do groups. And, and, you know, I'd love to see you on a one to one, but a group thing is just not for me. And I think that's really important. So to really like realize, again, you know, we could talk another hour, I don't even have time, but we could talk about boundaries. Yeah, my boundaries. You know, as I say, we need to work out what we like, we also really need to work out what we don't like, you know, what people in our lives are really not working, you know, and, you know, is listening to our gut feeling? How does our how do we feel in our tummy? around that person? You know, when that person messages us? Do we think, Oh, I'm so happy to hear from them? Or do we think oh, God, it's them? You know, that's like the key indicator in anyone in your life that makes you think, oh, no, it's time again. How do I respond to this message? Those are the people that you've got to really find a way to cut out of your life, which sounds ruthless, but life is short. You know, we really do need to live our best lives and be as happy as we, as we can do, you really need to do that. And it's, you know, cutting things out, you're then also need to, to find the replacement. Like like with alcohol, we can't say I'm going to quit drinking and then I'm not going to have another thing that does the thing that alcohol does. We do need to find, you know what, what is that? And it's really important to work out like very clearly like what is that for you? You know, we can get rid of help and thinking, Oh, if I don't have alcohol, I have to do yoga. I hate you. Yoga is just really, I it's just true. I'd really try with yoga. It's just we are not friends. I do do not get on with yoga, but I really do You get on with stretching. And I find it like, Wait, there's like loads on YouTube of like weightlifting videos, somatic Yoga, you know, trauma stories and yoga, which is like I've just said, I hate yoga, but that's like yoga like, like, just because for women especially, we hold a lot of trauma in our pelvis. And I hit so we anything that releases back, and just finding, finding the thing that works for you. And maybe it's pixel puzzles instead of booths. I mean, that sounds really simplistic, but seriously, so then that you can get really absorbed in, you know, that takes your mind off, whatever is going on in your head. That will work we need to find those replacement. That's
it? And what would you say, Kate? When you are thinking that your child might mean neurodivergent? What would you recommend people do? What's the sort of pathway? Yes,
I think it's, I think it again, it's a universal pathway in the UK, it starts with going to the doctor to GP, expressing your concerns. And then and then that would lead on to a referral to an assessment team, who would then do the further thing, but what I would, I will say is that if you if you believe that your child is no divergent, and I'm looking right at you, whoever's watching, yes, because you believe that your child is no divergent, they are nobody. See, unless you really have a mental illness issue. Nobody believes that and is wrong. Okay. So if you believe that your child is autistic, you know, and your mother got your, you know, your parent, parental gut feeling gives you that, you're right, you need to pursue it, however, that works in your country. And you'll find, find out how what that what that assessment and diagnosis pathway is. But you are right, and you don't, the key also is that don't wait for the diagnosis, to start looking at how you can help the child because they're going to beat the something and if you think they're no different, they are somewhere, something going on, to pursue that, you know, read, read the books, go, you know, go do the training, you know, get join the support groups and join in, you don't need to wait nowhere in the world is going to turn you away, because you don't even have a diagnosis. You know, 50% of the of the parents, you're ever going to meet people who are waiting for diagnosis, because wherever you are in the world, there's a dire take can take in the UK now it's like four years or something ridiculous. Yeah. And didn't used to be like that, but it is certainly now. So that that is the real key is don't wait for the diagnosis to support your child. Believe in yourself, you're this is also totally crucial. Your gut feeling about your child is always right. Okay. It's always right. If you if you if you feel your child is autistic, or 99.9%, don't you are absolutely spot on it, maybe maybe they have ADHD instead. Because there's a real there can be real crossover there. But there's, you know, if you think there's something going on for each other there is you know, you need you just need to pursue that. So trust, trust your gut is the most important thing. Find out what the pathway is in your in your area. Don't, don't, don't wait for the diagnosis to help your child. But also, I hate to say this, but please don't think once we have a diagnosis, we're gonna get all this help, it just isn't going to happen. Raising an autistic child raising a neurodiverse divergent child, is this a DIY job wherever you are. And the thing is, you have to do the work yourself. You have to read about yourself, you have to do the training and do the courses and all that stuff. But you also need to listen to autistic adults. And you just think adults will give you the advice about why your child does what they do. You need to meet other parents and use in the same shoes. Okay? You There are so many people who say Oh, I'm gonna do this for myself. I'm just gonna get this pile of books like read these books. No. This is coming from this shyest most introverted person in the world, I would have rather I would have rather eaten my own hair on to a support group meeting at the start of this journey. But they saved my life support group meeting. And they can do that i What I say is supporting meetings and meeting other parents. That's the lubricant for your journey that greases the wheels of your of your journey. Because like I said at the beginning of this, we all know something you just don't know. So if you go to support group meeting you're going to find out about you can get a holiday I've just booked a free holiday. For as I am a carer in the UK just booked a free a free holiday. I would never have known that I've know the parent told me about that, you know or or activities for your child, or you know, this club or that club because a lot of these things aren't very well advertised. Well known about where you are. They're not very well advertised. So you need to speak to other parents. So please don't think You're going to do it yourself, it will just take so much longer and you will go down so many rabbit holes that you didn't need to go down it just it's a time waster really is meet other parents is so crucial
it is. I agree with UK and I've only just started that part of my journey. Like I've been on social media stuff, but me and my daughter went for the very first time six citing, we went to an autistic organized autistic organization No, and Taylor Swift party, oh, yellow ladybug,
is you Berg? Oh, I just I was crying. I was like, Mom, call yourself.
I just think I have that, you know, when when we fight we can meet or we can meet our child's special interest in whatever way that to me is last week, like last week. And a lot of this, again, is talking to parents. Like I learned that in my local issues. And that close with local area, there's a cut long story short is music place you can go and you can book out a room that has drums in it for an hour. So we did that. And I'd love to play drums to an hour happy, you would just leave the pictures are like, glowing, I wouldn't have known that without talking to another parent, I just wouldn't have even that wouldn't have even been in my wildest imagination that existed at all, you know. So you do have to, you know, go and follow things on Facebook and talk to parents and see, see what's out there because you can follow those interests, even when they're not supposed to mainstream Jeremy's mainstream, but if it's like even some obscure Japanese anime thing, you know, your child will find other children like them. And then that gives them belonging as well. So we feel good as parents, because we've delivered the good, just amazing, but our child sees they're not alone in the world. Children like what they like, it's so
love, it was so beautiful to be there and there being all these lovely kids who are all so different, over different, you know, presentation and
that's that's a that's very important use. Oh,
and I was saying we went to a concert on last night, we went to Cape Town concert here in, in Melbourne, and he's a, I think they are a neurodiverse person as well themselves and identify as trans. And there were all these beautiful neurodivergent LGBTIQ plus kids being so beautiful with each other, it was just such a lovely environment.
Like, yeah, this is what we need. It's amazing. And this is the thing also to remember, as parents of autistic children neurodivergent children is that we need to make sure we are helping them find their tribe, really, because there are many, many, many, many autistic children who have never met another autistic child. And you know, when our children that, you know, this is a phase where children go through, you know, when they were little it was at all the playing with toys, and then it's younger and younger all the time now, but it's always like 67678, they moved from playing with toys, to socializing. Artistic, kids have no idea what to do that and they are totally lost. And then And that's that, that this is a point actually, when a lot of parents don't realize that a child is autistic when when there's that sort of watershed moment, and their child starts being aware that they're different. But if your child never meets another autistic child, they will feel like an alien in the world. And that's true, we really do need to find a way to sort that out. And what I've noticed as I've been doing this work now 12 years, I've been supporting parents, and when I started there was like nothing there was like one playgroup you know on a Sunday, and that was it. But now there's loads, you know, no, and I think there's probably fairly again, universe I think most everywhere, there's more, and again, and people will say, oh, there's nothing to do. Have you talked to other parents? You just have to be in the groups and you I know if you know, if that's not your thing, it's tough. But once you start, it's amazing. And it's finding our tribe as well. Because, again, there will be so many other neurodivergent parents in those groups, even if they haven't quite yet realize they're autistic. There's so many you know, there's Yeah, all of all of my friends are people I've met through support groups and their autistic, everyone that
you tend to kind of band together I always laugh because, you know, slowly and slowly all my friends are getting diagnosed. It's like yeah,
yeah, yeah. And even if they don't get diagnosed, I mean, most of my friends are very aware they're autistic, but they don't have a need to get a diagnosis and that's perfectly fine as well. I think it's just like, I think we know you know, once you once you realize your artistic or virtual, then you you realize other people around you or you know, you just can't see it, because I certainly find for myself I feel like when my daughter she started school No, oh, my daughter's in school and I'd be that at the school gate with her mom. I really felt like I was speaking a different language. I just never fit in with those people. I really thought I didn't even understand what the Deccan of I just didn't understand at all. But I feel like a fish in water with my friend. A
that was my strategy. I try and get
recycled. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah, definitely.
Thank you so much, Kate, I have enjoyed meeting you so much. And I would love to you been a pleasure, another chat, because it would be lovely. Please. Tell, would you mind being kind enough to tell us about a little bit about your book? And just
Yes, yes. Yes, the book. So again, it's called Where do I start having a really the emotional journey of autism parenting, and my name is Caitlin Turner. And the book is, is really the ultimate guide book for parents who are new to autism, if you are new to this world, and you are feeling terrified, because again, society in the media says autism is the worst thing in the world. This is the book for you. If you're new to this, and you really, you know, people talk about, oh, we need to talk about ableism. We can't use the wrong language can't say Autism Spectrum Disorder, we can't say autism spectrum, because has to be autistic person that was there's all that, like chatter, and that's great. And that's just really important later. Yeah, because that's the conversation for later the conversation for right now is how you need to feel better, what you need to do to feel less scared, more empowered, less isolated, more confident. So this is the book for you. If you are new to autism, this is the book for you, it will help you, the first half of the book is all about you, what you need to do, what what you're going to be feeling, why you feel that way, how to stop feeling like that, how to look after yourself. And I really worked very hard to not be too preachy, because nobody wants to be preached out and told to eat broccoli, and we tried not to do that. But there is a little bit of broccoli eating in there, you know, and then the second half is about how to help the child to sort of like five primary areas, you know, communication, anxiety and, and sensory stuff that you just don't like really key things you just really do need to know. So is, is the book for parents who are new source ism is also a great book for people who support parents who are new to autism, because, you know, a lot of us, you know, who have autistic children do end up in this kind of work where we're supporting other parents. But we forget those early days, we forget what I didn't, because I wrote a book about it. But you know, a lot of us do forget, like, how did that feel? You know, there's early days, and we have to be reminded, because that's what parents are feeling now, it really is frightened, you know, and even though the world is more more progressive about autism, and more and more positive, there's still this underlying feeling that autism is this awful, terrible thing, you know, and that which is awful. And until that changes, we do need to be reminded with books and with talking to other people that, you know, the autism has changed my life for the better, as I say, immeasurable ways, millions of ways. I'm such a happier person, knowing I'm autistic, and my daughter brings me so much joy all the time, in her interesting ways of, of doing things and interesting views on the world. We just do have to have other so so that's the book. Where do I start? It's called. And again, I'm caning toner. And I'd love for you to read it because I think I wrote it. I wrote it, you know, it's not easy to write a book that's quite a journey. Especially with Firstly, when you're when you are a parent, and you're doing other stuff, it's not the easiest thing, but I wrote it for you today to help you.
I'm so glad you did. Because it's on my bookshelf. I have other books that are my go to Bibles that I'm about to kind of go into and learn. So as a relatively newly identified Asia, autistic mum of ADHD autistic kids, I just think that this is just we just have no idea where to go. And something like this that can just help us and especially I love that your foot you focus on that, you know, the self. Yeah. Fast right? Yeah, keep us up.
As I say like, you know, we can we could talk about autism theory and like how to support each other I was with sensory stuff and whatever you talking about all day, but But again, the first conversation we have is about ourselves, or how do we how do we need to show ourselves up to, to you know, we will have to fight battles with school, we will have to perhaps fight battle to get a diagnosis or, or you know, other support or funding or whatever. And we do need to be strong for that we do need to be, like I say, shored up and ourselves to to accomplish those things, but it's vitally important that we do look after ourselves.
Yeah. I see. You're amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks.
Thank you. Well, thank you so much. Thank
you for coming on here with me. Thank you for talking to us and sharing.
I'm inviting me back you.
Take care Kate. See you soon. Bye for now. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of midlife AF with Emma Gilmore. If you enjoyed it, please share on Instagram for your friends and tag me at hote rising coaching. If you want to help me grow the podcast please review the episodes for me on Apple podcast that really helps. If you would like to work further with me please go to my website www Haute rising coaching.com for my free and paid programs or email me at Emma at Hope rising coaching.com sending a massive cuddle to you and yours for me and mine and remember to keep choosing you
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
