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Hello and welcome to this week's episode of midlife as this week we're going to be talking about rebirthing. I've just finished reading the seven skins of esta wilding. I was just thinking reflecting on how many different skins that I've shared over my life and I wonder how many you have as well. So over to me if you're a woman in midlife has intuition is telling you that giving booze the elbow might be the next right move. Their midlife AF is the podcast for you. Join counselor psychotherapist this naked mind and gray area drinking alcohol coach Emma Gilmore for a weekly natter about parenting quirky teens menopause relationships and navigating this thing called midlife alcohol free. If you're feeling that life could be so much more that you're sick and tired of doing all the things for everyone else. If your intuition is waving her arms manically at you saying it could all be so much easier. We didn't have to keep drinking, come with me. Together we'll find our group without booze.
Speaker 1 1:14
I lovingly acknowledged the Bruner and people of the Kulin nation as the custodians of current Baroque. I share my admiration for the Aboriginal culture I witnessed the connection that they have for each other and the land and their community. As I swim in the waters and walk on the land, I feel the power of this place. I'm grateful for the Aboriginal peoples amazing custodianship, the power, beauty and the healing potential of this place. I wish to pay special respects to the elders of the Buena, wrong people. Their wisdom, guidance and support are exceptional, and felt well beyond the Aboriginal community. I honor that this is Aboriginal land, and that it has never been ceded. I am committed to listening to the Aboriginal community and learning how I can be an active ally in their journey to justice. Yeah, you
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can hear me. Okay, cool. I keep trying keep my
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voice up. So this is my new house
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that we're in. We're in a rental house. And it feels really nice. It didn't feel nice at first, but a bit scary. felt a bit soulless, I guess. Because it was fresh and new and little different to where we were living for.
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But it's starting to feel like home.
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And it's starting to feel really safe. And just really nice. And I'm beginning to make I don't have an office as yet. Damien's got the office at the moment. We're just working that through.
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Let's see how we go with that.
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But yeah, I've wanted to talk today about rebirthing
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because I don't know about you. But I think as a woman because you will have a female assigned at birth human. We go through a lot of rebirthing surgery, and they can be really tough.
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They're gonna be so tough
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on our precious little souls.
Speaker 1 3:26
And we shed our skins I don't know if you guys I've just finished I'm just almost finished and I'm just loving it so much. I don't know if you guys have read this. Seven skins of Esther welding and like the last person to read it. I
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didn't read the other book, which she wrote.
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Alice Hart Yeah, the last flowers
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of Alice heart. But I watched it on Netflix. And it was amazing. And then my friend Joe lent
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me this. Alexa can get crazy.
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My friend shows me the this book.
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It's so beautiful. So beautiful. And it's really interesting as well, because it touches on shame. Which I think is such a fascinating subject. Especially because in the work that I do, you know, there's so much shame around struggling with alcohol a little bit. And she talks about, you know, it's a Hey Brene Brown talks in adults of the heart. She talks about
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you know, if only we had
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shared our experiences with the other people who were living around us who were all having difficult times with, you know, different things going on in our families. You know, no family is perfect. There's always something going on, right? You might have somebody with a mental health issue. You might have somebody struggling with alcohol. You might have grief you might have you know, all sorts of different things happen in families. But I don't know about you guys. But for me, you know, we, we as a family, we as a culture, I think we shove everything under the carpet, don't me, like pretend everything's okay. keep up appearances.
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God, keeping up appearances, that's
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got a lot to answer for, hasn't it?
Speaker 1 5:25
You know, it's so interesting, really interesting. Anyway, I wanted to say before I get distracted, that I'm running my five day alcohol reset program on Monday. And I'm super excited about it, it kind of came out of the blue, I sort of forgotten that I was planning to do it in August. But I'm really I ran it for the first time live in June, I want to say May or June may actually it was. And it was such a cool program. And all my Lighthouse groups are in there. They are my membership group and they're in, in everything that I do they get that as part of their membership. But we'll have coaching and community every evening cuz I wish it was here. And like, I
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wish we could just sit and like, do some crochet like
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that reaches? Or if we could, what else? I'm
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just checking action
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needed. Closed, unused, vacation
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to a live stream is experiencing performance issues.
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Oh, yeah.
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Because if my livestream was performance, human performance issues, I
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imagine that's because I've got so many things open on my desk, let
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me have a look. That's my little corner. They're
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so cute. I
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love the way that Instagram does that it's like focuses out in.
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But yes, it is very necessary that we we shut down some of this stuff that's open
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I'll just shut down a few things and see if that makes it easier.
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But rebirthing I was so interesting. So I was getting ready for getting ready for the five day alcohol reset, getting the Facebook group set up and getting, you know, getting the emails all sorted and start doing some marketing and talking about it. And I was looking, I was deleting all the posts from the Facebook group previously. And I was looking at there was just so much amazement, like we were talking about. On day one. We talk about
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really understanding
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why we drink and getting away from this concept, that there's something wrong with us because we are using a coping mechanism to manage our experience difficult experience of life. And it was so interesting, just reading the comments from the beautiful humans that were in the group last last. Last time I ran it. And I think we had about 25 people together.
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Really solid group.
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And, you know, every day, what we do in the five day I'll call reset as you get these daily videos and it's a program that was actually the first program I ever recorded and made.
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Hopefully, that's gonna make the Facebook a little bit better now.
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See if that's hopefully it's okay.
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Now, there we go to low FPS, your current frame rate is too low. Okay. It's quite boss's Facebook.
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Let me see if anyone is anyone in the comments in them on Facebook. I'll see if they can hear me okay.
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Anyway, I don't want to spend too much time worrying about the technicalities of things, because it can be so distracting content. But yes is the most beautiful thing is one of the prerequisites of the work that I do is very much rewriting this kind of concept that when people are struggling with alcohol, we internalize it as being something that is a problem with us. And we've heard so much shame around it. Oh, there's something wrong with me. You know, I
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remember
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the days that I would wake up and just be like, What is wrong with me? And I don't even say like, I mean maybe I really remember it with rose tinted glasses because I know, you know, I was a big drinker. But no more so than particularly anybody else that I knew. Maybe a bit actually that might be a bit of a lie.
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But I was just reading through the comments
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of the day one that we did in the five day I'll call reset, and we go through all the neuroscience is a really good program. And I'm really proud of it as well, because it was the program that I first wrote when I first came out of training with this naked mind, so everything's really, really fresh from that side of things. And it's just a really, really, really good program. But the main premise of the work that I do is that there's nothing wrong with us for drinking more than we want to, that the reason that we drink is, you know, very, very mixed. tootle sense why we drink. There's always such a good reason for everything that we do in life. And it's making ourselves bad is holding shame. I mean, I remember I used to wake up in the morning, usually at three o'clock in the morning, because I've always been, it's funny, isn't it? I was I was thinking about, you know, the sort of stereotype that you have somebody who's drinking too much. And the stereotype might be honest, provide some in the comments, actually, the stereotype will be all your wake up with a terrible hangover, and you're unable to do anything. Well, that wasn't my experience at all. My experience was, I was incredibly, I was incredibly productive. I would get up, I would love I still love getting up before the rest of the world. The last few years, I've been a bit more of a, I think I've been recovering from a lot of stuff. So last year, I was really tired all the time. And I stopped, I stopped actually taking my iced depressants. Don't anybody do that. But personally, I was trying because I was on different meds. I was on antidepressants. I was on HRT, and I was taking ADHD minutes. And it felt like I was using my ADHD meds to help me push through the fatigue.
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And so I kind of went off everything for three months, beginning of the year.
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Again, not advising anyone to do that, to just try and work out what was causing what and it was really interesting, because I went off the HRT, and my joint pain was incredible. So that was one of the things that I got from HRT was really bad. I was like an old woman and really, really like struggling with this. And I remember when I first before I got onto HRT, I'd go and, you know, go into my doctors and go to something more with men, we'd go and have X rays and check for rheumatoid arthritis, all this stuff, they were like, there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing there. Turns out, it's a big symptom of menopause joint pain that I didn't know that. But anyway, that was one of the things so I went on a cake, I'll go back on HRT, and then I've used my ADHD meds a little bit when I've needed to focus through with work, and that's been quite useful. But I haven't gone back on my antidepressants, which, which I'd been on for quite a long time. But I was, the reason being is that I felt that they were the thing that was making me really, really tired in the mornings. And now at least, I'm feeling like, I've got my mornings back again, which was such an important part for me of being, you know, one of the things that women talk about so much, don't they, when we're struggling with alcohol is the fact that we've got no time to ourselves, it's either no time or too much time, one or two other ways. And for me, it was I felt like I didn't have any time. And so I always, always made sure I made time for myself in the morning, even when I was drinking the most I was drinking, I would still get up and run 10k In the mornings, or go to Metaphysik go to you know, do interval trainers were fit and active but it was all very punitive as punishment, you know.
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And for me as well, it was all to do with external you know, I needed
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my body and my shape to
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look good to fit the aesthetic of our culture so that
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I wouldn't be rejected
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which is you know, many of us are like that without even realizing it's for me, I've done a lot of work on that I'm still do a lot of work on it all the time. I keep wanting to go back to diet culture, and you know, I know in my heart of hearts, it's not the right way to go. And I still got so much work to do there. But the area that I do have netted out is the alcohol thing and I've loved it, I would say was the greatest gift I gave to myself was choosing to spend 50 bucks just under 50 bucks to join course because prior to that I I had tried to do it myself. And it had all been about punishment. It had all been about, you know, I'd rev myself up to take a break. It would be
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it's that sort of feast and famine thing very much like dieting.
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You know, you'd get really, really drunk like the night before, wouldn't you?
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Do 30 days come out the other side, crawling the walls, drinking, drinking as much if not more than when you went in.
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And it wasn't working for me. It just wasn't working for me.
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And I knew I was getting really fit and healthy in other ways. I'd stopped punishing myself. I started doing yoga daily. Meditation daily, and there's one thing I still had was alcohol. And it was the one thing that was just making me I think that's the thing I always talk about the thing that I found the most motivational for me, was not all my war stories, not, my child's saying to me that they didn't want me to bring alcohol into the bedroom because it was making them feel anxious. Not me getting my tripping over and almost getting a rose bushes is branch stuck in my jugular vein, none of those things. What really motivated me to change was this sort of deep in and knowing that I shouldn't be hating myself this much. And knew that I didn't want to be like that. I knew this was something I had to do on my own. It was really interesting. And I'm finally doing the same at the moment. I'm like, oh, okay, get into like eating more healthy nourishing foods now. That the immediate sort of stress of having to move house and everything that
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was involved in that.
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But it's difficult to bring other people along with you, isn't it? I
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think, with these things, often we want to do almost always do, you know, diets and exercise in stopping drinking with Damien, my husband. But now I'm like, actually, you got to do this stuff for you. And for me deciding to invest in that. It was so interesting, because it was such a different approach. And it's the approach that I teach. Now, I've obviously added a lot of other stuff to my arsenal. That sounds terrible, doesn't it?
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Awesome. I feel like that's weaponry or something. It's not the right word. But I've added a lot of other things. You know, I've
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trained with Gabor Ma Tei. I've trained with Julian Park, I've trained with the beautiful. My brain is gone blank. Now, Jay fields.
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I've done the intuitive eating which I need to finish my show.
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But I've done a lot more work than I do. I'm spent a lot of time in the IFS work world I'm in the waiting lists to do their course internal family systems if anyone doesn't know what that means. So in my group at the moment in be the lighthouse, we're doing the book No bad parts by Dick Schwartz, which is a fantastic book highly recommend.
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And what am I talking about this, my brain is just gone back
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to having a total menopause moment. There we go.
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Can't remember I'm talking about that. But I'm sure we'll come
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back. I love owning the fact that this is how my brain works. And I think as
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well, new for me personally, I've been through a bit of trauma recently.
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And I think one of the biggest pieces of that was not being believed by people. And it was really interesting was talking last night in my group. And we were talking about, you know, that feeling of being young and not being believed. And the people that cared for us not, you know, not having our backs sometimes. But the definition of trauma, according to Peter Levine, who is one of my favorite people, and when I'm talking about trauma, I'm not necessarily talking about you know, sort of big T trauma. I'm talking about the de micro aggressions that can happen to a young person, which means that we armor up and we start masking and we start pretending everything's okay. And we start not showing it showing our true stuff. And we create this thing that we call personality. And we create this personality in order to be accepted by the world. And often the things that we create our personality to be is very helpful to us. And to a certain extent, I mean, for me that was being organized being a workaholic. I mean I had to work so hard Not realizing I was ADHD and how hard it was in terms of my processing skills and also, you know, my, my, what do you call it?
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Executive functioning. But, you know
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I used to work so hard and I would ignore my children. I mean, we talk about this a lot in our group is like, you know, it's such a safe place where it can be worked on is
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because it's somewhere that you can be good at what you do.
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And that's why sometimes when stuff happens at work, which does a lot for people, you know, a lot of us have some terrible experiences at work and it's sometimes it's our place for safety. And suddenly it's not anymore and I know that happened to me twice in the workplace, I was very lucky I think in through most of my work in life in the UK. Either I was immune to it or I felt like I didn't really had good people around me and I didn't really feel that I was on the receiving end of a nice maliciousness, but I definitely did into the jobs that I had since I moved here. And one of them you know, to a certain extent was a really good thing for me in retrospect most of the time, because it meant that I changed my career path and I moved to do what I do now. Which has been you know, absolutely invaluable not only just for my personal you know, I love this work so much it fills me with so much gives me so much pleasure and joy to see women and female assigned at birth humans and some of the men I do work with men as well. They just tend not to be my main was the main focus of my messaging because I'm not
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I kind of lost this thread.
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God, this is good. This is a good podcast, isn't it? I hope all you middle aged women are just like, oh, yeah, she's, she's good. Like, she's just like
Speaker 1 22:12
but yeah, the rebirthing of self. I mean, how many times do we do it? And how hard can it be? You know, sometimes when life gets really tough, we get really exhausted, we're really depleted, especially women in midlife, you know, a lot of us who drink and neurodivergent as well. People, you might call yourself an empath, and might call yourself an intuitive you might call yourself, you might be neurodivergent you might have had trauma, all of these things, you know, we, it means that this life starts taking a bit of a toll on us and, you know, all the things that used to keep us safe, they know, being able to pass through being able to sort of hyper focus to an extreme level, being able to an interested extent, alcohol, you know, helps us mask as well. No, it helps us feel that we're not, you know, we're not alone, it helps us push down the bad feelings that we might be having about certain things. It helps us numb, suppress, and escape, it feels like it does. And it seems like all of these coping mechanisms, it's great, until it's not, and that we can sit back and forth. And I think one of these things is we've you know, I've talked about this before, as we'll some of us, we still all nothing's our culture is all or nothing our culture is binary our culture is, is filled with misinformation that we believe to be true until we find out it's not, you know, even believing that the problem is us when it comes to alcohol. And that is such a hard belief to change for people that the problem isn't us. And actually, it's believing that with a problem that makes it harder for us to, to leave our code to release our its grip on us into into create a relationship with it, that is where we want it to be, you know, whether that be not at all whether that be
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very moderately, whatever it wherever you want it to be, you know, it's
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it's the grip, it's the resistance and the and the drive the desire that causes the problem. And so, in order to sort of move away from that and to move to a much more relaxed it's a sort of acceptance of surrender as a releasing of that grip. But the grip we hold on to so tightly, you know, like, like busyness, like work upon us and like, tidying ourselves like everything having to be just like, not being able to relax, like not being able to sit down. You're all these things.
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They are very useful to us up to a point
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And then they're not. And this whole binary thing of, you know, I'm good, I'm bad. I'm
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you know, it's
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it's such a,
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it's such a lie, it's
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like this, this idea that everything's the opposite. It's the opposite of each other. And yet most of the time, we find that
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often two competing thoughts can actually be true.
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And that's very, very hard for our brain to manage. She knows completely difficult, really confusing, really difficult for us to
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do. You know, we want to
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put everything in boxes, we want to make it binary, we want it to be all or nothing we want to be I'm either not drinking and I'm fasting and I'm running 100k Or I'm sitting slovenly on the floor stuffing tomorrow,
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Jesus, Jesus, and KFC in my face, you know, it's got to be one or the other. It doesn't, you know, it just doesn't have
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to be that and, you know,
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there's this whole the AAA way of doing alcohol, which is, you know, you, you fall off and you have to go back to the beginning. It's all very punitive. And there's just like, there's something wrong with you, and you can never drink again. It's Oh,
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I don't know if any of you ever watch some comedian, I
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still love him. trans guy.
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Eddie is so funny, right?
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Is about cats running behind the safe cats, we'll be drilling. Anyway,
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I've gone off on a tangent. Anyone who knows
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about particular will get it everyone else will be like, What the hell's she talking about?
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But that's why I just wanted to say there's nothing wrong with
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falling off the self care wagon. You know, I've fallen off the self care wagon a bit. But that's okay. When I was younger, I used to be so like, Ah, just get back on the self care wagon. And we've all got to be walking, and we've got to be doing yoga and exercising and doing this and eating carrots.
Unknown Speaker 27:18
Nope, you know,
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I'm not saying those things are not wonderful. Of course they are. And when you're in a great place, wonderful. But right now for me personally, and my family were autistic. And we've been through something quite dramatic and quite stressful. makes food quite hard for us. Like none of us actually want to eat much or anything. Like, it's like, it has to really like, grip us by the tastebuds for us to want to eat it. And for that, you know, for for some of us that's different. But for me, it normally just been totally of most things apart from chocolate, which is kind of really strange, obviously stuff going on. But this is why I think these little resets and this is what you know what I'm planning to do on Monday. Assume good. It's like, that's just me. So we fell off. So what doesn't make us bad doesn't mean anything about us.
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I mean, anything about us at all? Right?
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None of this stuff's we just beautiful, precious humans, trying our best in a world that was built. It's not you know, wasn't built for us to thrive.
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So if you want to come and join me
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on Monday,
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in fact, I'm going to start on
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Sunday, but just do like a pre awareness call kind of thing like coming in I'll tell you all about how it's gonna work or not. So if you want to join before Sunday, I'll share my beautiful I've got some beautiful resources
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which are my
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North Star which is very bit about visioning, imagining
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a future Oh, sorry about that. I'm having no problems with this little cough at the moment. It's about imagining your future when you've got a call where you wanted to get you
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where you want it to be.
Speaker 1 29:31
And that's a free download you can get from my link tree or I'll put it in the show notes. There's also the awareness worksheets. That is a fantastic thing to do in the preparation for a break it really looking at the reasons why you drink and what it feels like. It's like a mindful drinking basically over a three day period. There was free and then my grounding, my beautiful grounding. So in the five day, alcohol reset we do Have a grounding at the beginning of each of the live zoom session. So the sessions are on Zoom. You can do the program entirely in the Facebook group, there's a Facebook group, it costs 47 bucks to join, you get five days worth of videos first thing in the morning. And then journaling prompts. And what I tend to do is try and encourage people to do the journaling prompts and Facebook group is private Facebook group, no one can see us. And but you don't have to do it that way. If you don't want to, you can just do it privately if you want to. And then come on to the Zoom calls. And what we'll do is we'll do a beautiful grounding session. And so we've got the, the grounding resources in my link tree as well. And I'll also put it in the show notes. But those are the three things I do to start repet prepare. So start to have a vision of what the future might look like for you get used to doing a grounding grounding. So important is about making time for yourself. And it's about learning how, especially for those of us who have neurodivergent who have addicts and thelia, who have interoceptive awareness, which I've talked about it on the podcast. So if you need to know more about that, head back to somewhere, do a search on some of my old podcasts. But it's basically a difficulty recognizing feelings and also difficulty with the the connection between the brain and the body. So for example, knowing that you're hungry or not knowing that you're near the toilet, or you know, those kinds of things. Which do really affect our ability to understand our nervous system and understand what's going on for us at the time. So we do that at the beginning of each of each of the Zoom calls. And then we'll get into the subject matter of the day. And also people can bring their stuff. It's It's beautiful, small community. Last time we had 25 I don't think we'll have that many this time. Because I've not done a brilliant job of marketing yet I kind of forgot it was happening.
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And then because I was doing all the housework. But if you want to come along, it will be a small
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group. Not everybody comes every day. But I do encourage you to I think it's a great thing to do seven o'clock in the evening, especially if you're just gonna go right I'm gonna have five day break from booze. It's Monday to Friday, you can start on Sunday with me on the pre awareness prereqs piece as well preparation piece too, if
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you want to. But it's not. It's not compulsory, nothing's compulsory, right?
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But can be community learn a beautiful
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kind way of
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changing your relationship with alcohol, something that's not about, you know, punishing yourself being mean to yourself, it's, you know, we will learn the neuroscience. And we will learn why people drink when they more than they wanted to. And that just makes it so much easier. It's always chemistry, this makes sense to me. Now, I don't have to make myself the bad guy here. And in fact, in making myself the bad guy and putting a load of energy somewhere, it's just a waste of my energy. When I could be putting my energy into creating an experience of life. That means that I feel less worried and blessed stress and less overwhelmed and less alone and less able to cope with things that life throws at us
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which as we get older, get more and more right.
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Oh, anyway, my darlings. So if you want to come and do another new rebirth with me, it's never going to be about the same room with you. You're not broken, it's not fixing yourself. But it's a really gentle, beautiful way. And it's the way that I changed my relationship with alcohol to take it or leave it relationship, which for me ended up being I decided to completely leave it. But that's not always the case for everyone else. And that's not at all where I am this this program is for people wherever they are, it will do great good. If you're already stopped drinking, you want to just dip your toes in to a little bit more you know what to remind yourself of some of the content, some of the information and be in community and have a bit more of that sort
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of support, work through some of those beliefs that perhaps you haven't got read off yet.
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You might think that alcohol is fine, you might think it's glamorous, you might think that you're going to lose connection is all those things. So
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we've worked through that stuff
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each evening, and it's you know, it's really really, really good fun for me, I'm super proud of it and people have been through it, I've loved it. But also, if you wanted to go right away, I've got back into the habit of drinking more than I wanted to and I want to take another break I want to take a little break. If you're at all worried that you might be chemically dependent on alcohol, just make sure you pop in and see your GP beforehand. Just let them know what you're doing. It's always worthwhile doing that. But otherwise I hope I'll see you I'll put the links in my link tree or just send me a DM you can put it as reset. That's a good word to send me and I will make sure that you get sent the link to join up. All right, my darlings. It was lovely to sit in my special clammy chair chat to you. I hope you were able to hear me well. And thank you again for your patience with my menopausal, slightly befuddled brain, not remembering the trajectory of some of my sentences and conversations. But there we go. That's life, right? None of us are perfect. Take care, my darlings, it's been an absolute pleasure to be with you. And for any of you who are interested, I am thinking of doing the President's processes, but by Michael Brown, I absolutely love it. It's the third time I'm doing it. And I'm thinking of starting it the week after the as a freebie in midlife as a Facebook group. So come over and join that that's a free Facebook group that I run where I do lives every Tuesday. And I'm thinking of doing that. So it's 15 minutes breath work in the morning, 15 minutes breath work in the evening, accompanied by reading a passage from the book. And again, it will be on Facebook. So if you wanted to do it at a different time, the time that I was doing, it didn't work for you. And then you can do that but I won't talk about that too much more now because resets my focus and I'll be moving on to that afterwards. So if you are interested, you might want to look into the getting the book don't have to because I read the passages for you. Lots of love. See you soon. Thanks for being here. Yeah, and if you fancy it, come on, come join the five day alcohol reset. I'd love to have you there. Very chilled. very chilled out. Alright, Bye darling.
Speaker 1 36:38
Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of midlife AF with Emma Gilmore. If you enjoyed it, please share on Instagram for your friends and tag me at hote rising coaching. If you want to help me grow the podcast please review the episodes for me on Apple podcasts that really helps. If you would like to work further with me please go to my website www Haute rising coaching.com for my free and paid programs or email me at Emma at Hope rising coaching.com sending a massive catalogue to you and yours for me and mine and remember to keep choosing you
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
