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Hello everybody.
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So apologies for being a little
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bit late today.
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I had to get my kid somewhere, but here we are. It's
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lovely to be with you today. So today
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we are talking about source, source and essence,
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spirit, self
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very interesting concept,
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very important concept.
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One of the reasons it's so important
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is that part of the journey for me with alcohol, has been returning to source. And the funny part of it is, is it reminds me of when I was younger, used to be a bit of a raver. We used to go to these dance nights that used to be under they were pretty like underground, and
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one of the big nights used to be called
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return to the source.
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And it used to have, you know, they used to have their own, I think they're a particular night that was on called Return to source, and
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there'd be music that went along with it. And
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it's interesting how things come full circle, because I'm about to go off on the when I finish the virtual retreat, I'm about to go off to the northern territories and do some amazing ecstatic dancing with a great DJ called Rivka up there for seven days, which is going to be absolutely sensational again, dance music, you know, rhythmic, beautiful dance music. And it's such an interesting thing, because it was one of those, like, I never imagined that I would go clubbing or listen to dance music again when I stopped drinking. But
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I love it.
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I've always loved a tribal beat. There's something in it that kind of like speaks to my essence, my source. And I always just, yeah, just really special to me.
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So what does it mean to return to source? I
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think for me,
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it's unmasking. It's returning to the human being
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we were put on earth to be,
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before the world came and told us that we weren't good enough, or that we were too much, that we weren't acceptable, before the world showed us our lack. You know what we were missing, which is, you know, in reality, when we create our personalities, our personalities
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are basically a
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construct,
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a construct that we have constructed in order to fit in, in order to be part of the world and return to source. Kind of sits with the concept that at our hearts, human beings, at our source, at our core, human beings are good. Human beings are good, and we are connected in and of ourselves, and we are interconnected. So I don't know how familiar you guys are with teachers like Tara brach with Gabon mate, with Dan Siegel, with, you know, all of this kind of group. Dan Siegel just written a new book, and I really want to read it, called interconnected. And it kind of ties in with and I don't know how many of you have been doing the presence process with me, but if you haven't been doing it, you know, feel free to join. You can join at any time, we do 15 minutes of breath work and little bit of reading study for five minutes twice a day, and the idea is that we're getting back to presence. The idea is we're getting back to what is, as opposed to the narrative that we have constructed, the future projections, the past reflections that govern the way that we move through the world. And we're returning to source, the I the concept is that source. Is incredible. And it's the opposite of, you know, being born with the original with original sin, which the, you know, of the religions have as their kind of pre concept, which is why you have to get baptized. And the idea is that if you don't get baptized, then you'll go to hell because you haven't been cleansed of the your original sin,
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which you know.
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Again, take, take that as you will.
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But source, the reason that source is so interesting is that source is infinite, and we know that from listening and working with the psychologists who are really hot on trauma, we know that we we get these wounds as a small person even before We can speak, and so often our emotional reactions to a situation are based on our basically, our childhood is leaking out into our current day. But what we know is that at source, our source essence, what we were born with is good and is has this incredible capacity to nurture and heal ourselves. And the idea of return to source is that we come back to self as a nurturing, incredible human. And we get our repair, you know. So we look outside ourselves. We're always looking outside ourselves for and it's really interesting. Like, if somebody had said to me, are you? Do you seek Eternal external foundation? I would have said, No way. I don't know. I don't you could tell it today, it's nice when somebody gives me a compliment, but I don't, you know, it's not, you know, particularly with my cost of my work, or, you know, something that I do, but it's not, it doesn't motivate me. But then I realized that actually, it's not just about, it's not just about wanting validation, as in, somebody to say you're good, in order for you to know your good, it's about also seeking comfort from external things. So for example, instead of offering ourselves
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the
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the loving kindness to heal our pain. We go to a bottle, we go to being busy, we go to tidying. We go to trying to control everything, you know, because even drinking can be a form of control. When we control, we know what we're going to get when we when we drink. And so this concept that self is good. Self is, you know, and that's what most human beings in life want to know, that they're good. And I remember listening to Tara brach talking about this, and just, you know, she said, it's supposed to be beautiful. It's like, you know, at our hearts, we are good, at our core, at us, at our source, we are good, but we also have this incredible capacity to nurture ourselves, to love ourselves, to look after ourselves, to treat ourselves well,
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but it's very difficult for
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us to do that when we are still believing that it's everything outside of us is going to and believing that we're broken, and this is one of the core problems that we have when we're trying to change our relationship with alcohol. Is this indoctrination that alcohol is a an us problem. So, you know, being addicted to alcohol or, you know, wanting to generally, people tend to beat themselves up about, you know, wanting to have more than the the two glasses. That is what everybody assumes is the recommended, or so called normal amount of alcohol to drink. But again, there's this sort of you know question, just because something's common doesn't mean it should be normal, you know, because we know that it doesn't do any so any good. It's got nothing. No redeeming features. Alcohol has no redeeming features, apart from the ones that we believe that it has for us because of our addiction to it, but also our emotional addiction to it, which often, for most of us, is much more prevalent than the actual physical addiction. Yes, that is that can be there, but for most people, 90% of people, it's emotional addiction rather than a. Um, physical addiction, and, and, and we say addiction because alcohol is an addictive substance, right? It's, everybody agrees it's an addictive substance, one of the most addictive substance out there, one of the most harmful substances as well. You know, when the they did a Imperial College of London did a study on the harmful impact. So I think it's just been picked as to the top by codeine. Is it fentanyl? Fentanyl? Codeine? Yeah, the
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painkiller,
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because of the devastation that does have on people, and the fact that people go from the painkiller to heroin. And you know that, whereas alcohol is just something that everybody uses, but actually it's incredibly addictive, and it has very, very bad impact, not only on our on our health, but also our mental health, and also the health of the people around us so and again, this is nothing to there's no
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criticism, no judgment, no
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nothing, really, it's and this is the other piece. So we bring all this like we're bad, we're wrong. We need to fix ourselves, and all of that stuff is so unhelpful because we're not bad and we're not broken, and we don't need to fix ourselves because we're not broken. The world is not a great place for people to live. It's the expectations and the sort of the machine, particularly for neurodivergent humans, and
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you know, mothers, parents, women.
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You know is it's it's tough world to live in, very tough,
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nonsensical in some ways,
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but it is where we are. But a lot of the time we're drinking. We're drinking because we don't know any other way to hold ourselves in our pain, our discomfort. We have a bad day. Our boss is an asshole. Our husband's not treating us the way we wish he was. You know, this happens so often women, particularly in midlife, we get to a point where it's like, you wake up and you're like, Oh, what the hell?
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How did this happen?
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And we mask. We've been masking for a long time, and alcohol helps us mask. And
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so this concept of return to source
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is quite scary when we don't know that we are good because, you know, most of us have those core wounds, which are our limiting beliefs, which are, you know, I'm not good enough, I'm unacceptable.
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I will end up alone.
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I try
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to think of the other ones not worthy. You know, all of these beliefs come from childhood, and they often just come because our civilization, our society, isn't built to show children how loved they are, and I don't mean our parents don't love us, because, of course, most of, most of us come from families that too. There's a lot of who don't, but there's, you know, an awful lot who do. But it's about, you know, the way that we've been we've been trained culturally like we've been trained to, you know, not show our emotions. We've been chained to be stoic and good workers and push on through and, you know, really deny our experience of living in this world and what happens when you are, you know, come to midlife. And you know, all of those, those those coping mechanisms that kept you safe, they no longer work. And then suddenly everything goes up, you know, up in smoke. And it's like, what the those coping mechanisms that felt like they were keeping us safe start to actually become part of the problem. And then we have to wake up to the fact that perhaps this person that we've been living being isn't,
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isn't who we really are. And
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that can be really terrifying,
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but it's also really fucking exciting.
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And return to source talks about we have everything that we need inside ourselves. It's just learning how to access it. And so we've been talking a little bit about alchemy. Over the last few weeks. We've been talking about leaning into the feeling
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that you want to create with
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alcohol and. And imagine yourself having it and letting it come, and really leaning into that and and really feeling that sensation.
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And
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this is the sort of example of where everything that we need, we need to look internally instead of externally, because we can create that feeling for ourselves. But it does take a bit of work and effort, you know, and we have been so socially conditioned, and a lot of us, you know, very sensitive people, either we have trauma when you're a divergent we feel things very strongly, and our feelings can feel overwhelming, and we weren't taught how to hold ourselves in our distress. As young people, we were left to cry or told not to show our emotions and just get on with things, because children were supposed to be convenient for adults, so seen and not heard.
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And so we don't know
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that we are,
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we are the love that we've been looking for. We don't know that, but we are the love that we've been looking for. And this is this whole idea of, you know, healing our holes, our wounds, with unconditional positive regard, unconditional, you know, we start with unconditional positive regard and move that gradually towards love as we realize, you know, that the part of us that's so critical our inner critic is, is just trying to keep a young part of us mirroring what adults in our life may have spoken to us like, or what we've seen on TV and what we've been conditioned to believe the way is the way we think that the way is kicking ourselves up the ass when we're struggling with alcohol. It's not and that's what I teach in my method. So my method is, is, is called the third way, and it's basically acknowledging that there is another way to do this whole thing with alcohol and with self. That isn't about either beating ourselves up, being really strict, going into battle with alcohol or drinking and feeling shit about ourselves. So it's it's not about deprivation, and it's not about what were the other hedonism, and it's not even balance. It's about unpicking the mindset that we have been conditioned with to believe that we are broken. It is about unpicking all of the lies that we believe about alcohol to be true, of which the opposite is true. It's about learning how to hold ourselves in our distress, even when we are neurodivergent with people who've had trauma, learning how to increase our interoceptive awareness, learning the tools to do that, realizing that we don't have to be perfect, getting Out of this whole binary way of thinking, you know, where it's like, Oh, I've had a drink, or go back to the start, or just, I might as well carry on drinking, or it's all too hard. All of these kind of concepts are really coming from a place of scarcity, and what we need to be doing is so we rather we're scarcities, we're clenched, we're constricted, we're we're trying, and we, wow, it's all really awful. And then abundances. We're
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open. You know, you sit in your scarcity. You
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can feel your body just do it now, scrunch up into like scarcity. It's constricted. You're alone, you're you're not giving love outwards. And we go into abundance. We pull our shoulders back, we feel our chest wide, and we know that we this is the belief, you know. We start working through the the grounding processes where we know that we are strong enough to hold ourselves in our distress. So we're overwhelmed with work. We're angry with people, whatever it is, we have the power to hold ourselves through that without reaching for a toxic substance in order to do so.
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And so I have coming up a couple of really cool things.
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I've got the Great Aussie alcohol experiment starting on the My brain's gone dead, 29th 29th or 30th of September. I can't remember which one or the other. I think it's the 30th of September. And that's going to run for a month, and we will be we have daily coaching calls in there at the beginning of each call. We do. Work on learning how to identify and be with our experience of living in this world from a felt, sense perspective, so that when we get triggered in life, we can understand where the trigger is coming from and how to integrate it into our experience, so that it stops. We stop living a life where we are reactive instead of responding, and we're reacting to things that have happened in our past that we haven't processed. So we work on that, and then we also play around with all of those, those beliefs around alcohol that we have believed to be true, which are not. And so we so you get daily videos which have got this amazing content, the content that helped me change from being a person who loved drinking alcohol and couldn't imagine life without it to a person who literally just wouldn't, yeah, I wouldn't go near the stuff. To be honest, I don't mind if other people do. It doesn't bother me at all, but it's just not for me. But equally, I'm not weird about it, like, you know, quite happy to have him drink. You know, my food, you know, if somebody wants to put some wine in my spiritical nose, I couldn't give a shit. It doesn't. It doesn't hold anything for me. It's not, it's got no, you know, I don't have to not be near alcohol, you know, I just don't want it. And that's what I want for you guys. And then you can choose if you want to drink, you drink if you don't want to drink, you don't drink. But you're not not drinking because you know you're not allowed to or you're trying to be good, and drinking is naughty. You know, all this bullshit that we have made up about it. So we do that for 30 days, and there's journaling prompts. This beautiful community. The humans that I get in my groups are absolutely incredible. So that's running. Then the link will be in the show notes for that, and I highly encourage you. It's the last one I'm doing this year. I'm not going to do another one till probably March, so it's quite a long period, but you will get so much support, more so than anything else that you could possibly do. I don't believe that there is another group that offers the level of small group, boutique
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Australian
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30 day program,
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where you're literally getting coached every day. So everything you bring to the table. You know if you're struggling with something, we can work through it and change your belief around it. And then also, on the 25th before that, I've got a masterclass, which is the five reasons taking a break from alcohol can be effortless and change your life. So I'm looking forward to that, and I think that's it for me, but yeah, I'd really love to have you guys in there both of those programs. The masterclass is free. The Great Aussie alcohol experiment is 997. If you pay upfront, or you can pay in four lots of 297, if you want to pay monthly over a four month period. But it really is life changing. And you know, there's so many people that I've worked with who can testify to that, but I'm really looking forward to going dancing in the desert, and next week, I've got the which is probably when a lot of you will be listening to this. I've got the virtual retreat coming up, which I'm really looking forward to do. I just really looked at the content, and it's absolutely fantastic. And I really can't wait to share that with people again. But I, you know, wish you wish you all the luck in just, you know, being with self, learning to love self, all of its elements, you know, every single part, the judgmental part, the hedonistic power. You know, they all there for a reason. They all trying to keep us safe. But underneath it all, there's this there's this incredible Source self, and that is literally can give you everything that you've ever needed, and that's the work, alright? My darlings, have great weeks. Take care. Lots of love. You.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
